China - Ah... Capitalism is alive and well in China as a southern Chinese
hospital sells livers from executed prisoners to wealthy Asian transplant
patients. 
A Hong Kong newspaper reported on Sunday that undercover reporters were urged
to book a liver from a good young prisoner during the current spate of mass
executions that precedes the Chinese New Year. 
Our experience tells us that there are many organs before the Lunar New Year,
a doctor from the Sun Yat Sen University Hospital in Guangzhou told the South
China Sunday Morning Post. If you miss this chance, you may have to wait until
Labor Day. China has always insisted that donations are voluntary. But doctors
from the hospital told the Post that consent was not required for criminals and
most organs came from executed prisoners. 
The hospital, which subsequently denied the doctors? comments, charges about
20,000 pounds for a liver transplant.

Yo momma is so stupid, she thought that ping pong balls are a venereal
disease from China.

Once upon a time, in a remote area of inland China,
there was a nomadic tribe. This tribe had been visited by missionaries, and one
of the missionary couples had a son named Everett. He grew up among these
Chinese nomads and learned their dialect. He was loved dearly by everyone in the
tribe.
One day, another neighboring group of nomads came
seemingly out of nowhere and attacked the settlement, killing a number of
people, including all of the adult missionaries. They took their male children
alive and brought them back to their own settlement as hostages.
After a few weeks in captivity, Everett managed to
escape and to lead the other kidnapped children safely back to their parents.
The nomads were glad to see the children return, but this did not satisfy their
desire for revenge. Everett proved helpful here as well. He had studied the
layout of the other tribe's village, and knew the weak points in their defense.
Soon, the tribe was ready to get revenge on their
enemy. They sent the adults and older children out in several companies. Everett
begged to go along, since he was a teenager and almost as old as the youngest of
their fighters. He, too, wanted revenge for the death of his parents. The
tribe's leaders agreed, and since he knew the layout of the enemy village, he
helped lead one of the companies.
They took the enemy completely by surprise. The
slaughter was great. But, sadly, Everett was mortally wounded in the attack. The
army returned to their village with heavy hearts, because Everett was the last
of the missionary visitors, and had helped them so much. The people wanted to
honor him with Wu Xia, a burial ritual of their tribe. The ceremony involved
mummifying the body and placing it in a tomb with various kinds of colorful
flowers. However, there was a problem.
Because Everett was not a native of the tribe, the
tribal council had to register the request for Wu Xia with the village clerk,
Pad. Pad had critically wounded in the battle, and was resting in his tent. As
long as he was still alive, their tribal law prohibited them from selecting a
replacement for him. Also, Wu Xia had to be started before sundown, and it was
already getting rather late.
The people had gathered in the center of the village
to wait for the council to begin the ceremony, and were getting rather
impatient. So some of the council members went to Pad's tent. He was too weak to
move his hand to sign the registration form. But the council members put the
writing implement in Pad's hand and moved it for him, so that they could say he
had actually signed the form himself.
The council members brought the form to the council
chairman, Wang Wei Gong, who then motioned the tribe to be silent, and
announced:
"I'm pleased to tell you today that we have
Pad's registration allowing Wu Xia for Everett. We begin embalming in 5
minutes."

The government of China announced today, that they would be removing all
telephones from their country. After 6 months of hard lobbying, the organization
for Independent Speech has convinced Chinese politicians to take this action.
They argued that there are too many Wings and Wongs and that many people are
becoming annoyed when others Wing the Wong number.

During the Wu Han Dynasty, the imperial court had an articles of tribute
which included a glass of wine that was supposed to give the drinker eternal
life. One day, a guy named Dongfang Shuo drank some of the wine thinking that
nobody had seen him. Unfortunately, the King learnt about his act and was
furious. He decided to put Dongfang Shuo to death.
Dongfang Shuo pleaded the King: "My Lord, the wine I drank was supposed to
give me eternal life. That means I wouldn't die even if you kill me. If I should
die, then the wine is not the real wine of eternal life."
The King was amused by what Dongfang Shuo said and he pardoned him.

There once was an old man aged 50, who had a lazy son aged 30. The son
couldn't earn his own living, and still depended on his old father for food and
clothing.
The old man was very worried about him, so he took him to the fortune teller to
have his fortune told. The father and son both belie
the fortune teller's prediction that the father would live to 80 and the son to
62.
After having found out how long they were going to live the son was very sad.
His father comforted him.
"Don't be so sad! You are only 30 now, and still have 32 years of good days
ahead of you." 
"I'm not worrying about my own age. It's just your age
which causes me great anxiety," the son said.
Upon hearing his words, the father was deeply moved, and in tears said,
"Don't worry about me so much I've got 30 years ahead of me too."
"I'm not worried about your age either," said the son, "I have
figured out that you'll die two years earlier than I. So whom will I depend on
in the two years after your death?"

A man wearing a felt hat was walking under the broiling sun of midsummer.
When he came upon a tall tree by the roadside, he decided to take a rest under
its leafy shade. 
Taking off his felt hat and fanning himself with it, he said: "Thanks to this felt hat. I would have had a heatstroke without it."

A friend told me that many of the servers in Chinese restaurants are brought to the U.S. by a company that specializes in "importing" Chinese immigrants.
They are hired in their home land, brought to the U.S., trained in restaurant work, and hired out to restaurants for a period of several years
to pay off the transportation and training costs. Sort of like the indentured servants of the American colonial period. The immigrants receive
transport and training, the restaurants receive pre-screened, trained staff, and the company turns a profit.
After hearing this, it seems to me that name of the company should be obvious: "Hunan Resources."

Two Chinese women were sitting in a bar when they saw two guys fighting over
which culture is smartest. When the women heard this they went over and the
first lady said," We know a way to figure out which culture is the
smartest."
The second lady answered, "Yes we do. The way you figure it out is by
seeing which culture uses the less utensils in eating." The men quickly
agreed to listen to the women.
The first lady said," Well the Indians use their hands to eat but their
hands have five fingers each so they use ten utensils to eat. They aren't the
smartest so next come the Americans. They use a fork but there are four tongs on
the fork, so they use four utensils. Now come the Chinese. We use chopsticks and
there are only two sticks so we are the smartest."
As the lady finished the men sat puzzled for a second then agreed that
Chinese were the smartest.
As they left, the second lady said to the first, "That was a good way to
get a date and them thinking that we are the smartest."
That teaches us that Chinese are the smartest culture.

You eat rice for breakfast.
Your friends and everybody else assume you know Kung Fu.
You remember or still use "the bowl" for haircuts.
Your folk?s kitchen have a constant lingering aroma.
You notice the main topic at family get-togethers is food.
Your parent?s lifelong ambition is to go to Las Vegas.
You never ever sat down on Popo?s warm chair after she got up.
You seldom ever owned new clothes if you were a second child.
Your folks never speak under 10 decibels at family gatherings.
You never made the school football or basketball team.
You have two middle initials instead of one.
You have an inherent "fear" for bamboo feather dusters.
Your "hot" date is going to your parent?s house to have "jook".
Your living room sofas have covers on them.
You laugh at Kan Tong and Chung King commercials.
You inform the ticket clerk that your 13 year old is 12 to avoid paying
adult fare.
You sneak in snacks at the movie theater.
Your grandmother smell like mothballs.
You?d bring home a Caucasian friend and "popo" would be
cooking something that smelled like it had died a week ago.
You were told you all look alike.
You know how to pinch someone with your toes.
You graduated from UCI or knows of someone who did.
You would drive around the block 10 times rather than pay for parking.
You have a hard time pronouncing "aluminum" and "lobster
claw".
You truly believe that your neighbor could use that old sweater rather
than throwing it away.
You would take that sweater if you were your neighbor.
You would stand in line for hours and hours for a free gift whether you
needed it or not.
You have clothes in your closet that is coming back in style.
You?ve seen every Bruce Lee movie.
You still have your old slide rule.
You never order chop suey or egg foo young.
You have a relative or friend who works as a waiter or cook.
You prefer your chicken and shrimp served with heads and feet still
attached.
You have a vinyl tablecloth on your kitchen table.
You spit bones and other food scraps on the table (that?s why you need a
vinyl tablecloth).
Your parents know how to launch nasal projectiles.
You buy on sale 100 rolls of toilet paper and store them in a closet or in
a vacant room when your adult child moves out.
You only buy Christmas cards after Christmas when its 50% off.
Your kitchen has a sticky film of grease over it.
Your stove is covered with tin foil.
You have stuff in your freezer since the beginning of time.
You have never used your dishwasher.
You use your dishwasher as a dish rack.
You boil water and put it in the refrigerator.
You keep a thermos of hot water available at all times.
You save grocery bags, tin foil, and tin containers.
You use grocery bags to hold garbage.
You eat all meals in the kitchen.
You bring oranges or other produce with you as a gift when you visit
peoples homes.
You have a collection of miniature shampoo bottles that you take every
time you stay in a hotel.
You unwrap Christmas gifts very carefully to save and reuse wrappings and
bows.
You feel like you?ve won the lottery if you didn?t have to pay tax for
an item.
You starve yourself all day before going to an all you can eat buffet.
You stop dialing 411 information when they started to charge for each
call.
You only call long distance after 11 PM.
You suck on salty preserved seeds for a sore throat.
You keep a stash of Li Hing Mui at home.
Your eyes resemble dime slots when you laugh.
You know what the term "FOB" and "ABC" means.
You laugh at Martin Yan?s jokes not because he?s funny.
Your parents have a glass jar of preserved limes aging on top of the roof.
You own a wok.
You know what a "bow" is?and it doesn?t mean to bend over.
You never eat fried foods when you?re sick (it creates phlegm and hot
air).
You would prefer your fish entree staring at you on the dinner table.
You never discuss your love life with your parents.
Your parents still use a clothes line.
You save your old coke bottle glasses even though you?re never going to
use them again.
You keep most of your money in a savings account.
You own your own meat cleaver and sharpen it.
You?ve joined a CD club at least once.
You keep used batteries.
You know someone who can get you a good deal on jewelry or electronics.
You?re always late.
You eat every last grain of rice in your bowl, but don?t eat the last
piece of food on the table.
You fight over who pays the dinner bill.
Your dad thinks he can fix anything.
You live with your parents and over 30 years old (and they like it that
way). And if you?re married, you live in the apartment next to your
parents, or in the same neighborhood.
Your parents house is always cold.
You beat eggs with chopsticks.
You never use measuring cups.
You reuse tea bags.
You tip Chinese delivery guys/waiters more.
You never call your parents to say hi.
You always cook too much.
Your parents always ask you if you?ve eaten, even though it?s
midnight.
Your parents send money to their relatives in China.
Your parents tell you to boil herbs and stay inside when you?re sick.
You have a drawer full of used pens, most of which don?t write anymore.
You know all the waiters at your favorite Chinese restaurant.
Your parents never go to the movies.
You notice at dances, a wall of guys standing together trying to look
cool.
You iron your own shirts.
You play a musical instrument.
You don?t own any real Tupperware, only used margarine tubs, takeout
containers, and jam jars.
You never leave any leftovers on the table in a restaurant. You have it
put in boxes or finish it.
Your ketchup, mayonnaise, and mustard in the refrigerator are all
"Price Club-size".
You have an assortment of condiments and utensils from fast food takeouts
stuffed in a drawer.
You never order for room service.
You majored in something practical like engineering, medicine, or law.
Your parents are never satisfied with your grades.
You own a rice cooker.
You buy rice in 50 pound sacks.
You wash rice 2 to 3 times before you cook it.
You steam something on top of your rice while its cooking.
You have acquired a taste for bitter melon.
You like congee with thousand year old eggs.
You always carry a stash of food when you travel like preserved plums,
beef jerky, or dried cuttlefish.
Your parents vehemently refuse the sack of gold coin oranges that their
guests brought to be courteous.
You know what MJ means.
You pick your teeth at the dinner table, but you cover your mouth.
You have a piano in the living room.
You live in an apartment and your parents always want you to come home.
You have a rice cooker to check in at the airport when you travel.
You grow your own bean sprouts in the kitchen.
Your mother made you peel water chestnuts and snow peas.
You have an lonely unmarried relative who frequently drops by during
dinner time.
You received little red envelopes containing money on special occasions.
You use the underside of a porcelain bowl to sharpen your knives.
You cut your own hair?or had someone in your family do it.
Your grandmother has a lot of gold teeth?especially in front.
You keep fresh garlic and ginger in the kitchen at all times.
You know what the term "lemon" or a "banana" means.
You only have to shave every other day (maybe).
You tell your friends that you?re starting a new mustache when you
really had it for several months.
You wash and reuse ziplock bags.
You save your children?s halloween candy and give it out the next year.
You either love or hate "mooncakes".
You know at least three people named Alan Wong.
Your parents constantly complain you use too much toilet paper when you go
to the bathroom.
You hated that black herb medicine that your parents forced you to drink
when you were sick.
Your parents have kitchen towels made of old cloth rice bags.
You never drank milk after eating cherries.
You?ve swallowed those tiny "BB?s" with hot tea for a tummy
ache.
Your mother has a short-haired, curly perm.
You?ve asked your parent?s help on one math problem and 2 hours later
they?re still lecturing.
You shop at 99 Ranch Markets.
Your parents enjoy comparing you to their friend?s kids.
You?ve had to sit through karaoke videos with scantily clad, ugly Asian
women attempting to dance and walk around a temple, forest, or library.
You?ve had to eat parts of animals that they don?t even put in
hotdogs.
You have piles of shoes and slippers blocking the entrances to your home.
You have no eyelashes!
Your idiot friends try to impress you with pathetic imitation languages,
like the ever so popular "ching chong woo bok chi"?etc.
Your biology lecture on marine life (seaweed, octopii, sea cucumbers,
etc.) was last night?s dinner.
You have at least one family member who wears black wire or plastic framed
glasses.
You have several relatives who wear glasses?thick glasses.
You like $1.75 movies
You like $1.50 movies even more!
Your parents never kissed you?your parents never
kissed each other.
Your friends ask you to translate the scribbles on chopsticks (like you
really know what it means!).
You call all your parents friends "auntie or uncle".
You get nothing if you do well in school, but get in big trouble if you
don?t.
Your dad still pulls his socks up to his knees?you know, the ones with
the blue and pink stripes at the top.
Your parents buy you clothes and shoes many sizes too big so you can
"grow" into them and wear them for years to come.
Your family always cheer for the Asian athlete competing (eg. Michael
Chang, Michelle Kwan, etc).
Your parents or relatives have goldfish swimming in an aquarium.
Your first generation relatives have a statue of an obese, bald-headed man
surrounded by children.
Your parents collect jade jewelry.
Your friends from China think anything from the old country is considered
"good stuff".
You know not to eat the oranges or tangerines arranged in a little
pyramid.
You always drink tea after a meal.
Your dad owns at least one bird.
Your parents grow vegetables in a garden.
You use doilies to decorate your furniture.
Your friends automatically assume you?re good at math.
You are good at math!!! (the hell with humility).
You know how to pick out the meat in watermelon seeds with your teeth.
Your grandmother rapped your knuckles with her chopsticks while reaching
food with your fingers.
You are now planning to Email this list ASAP to another Chinese friend!