During the reign of Dali of the Tang Dynasty, a man named Feng Xile in Jingzhou was
very good at flattery. He once had an audience with the magistrate of Changlin
County and was treated to dinner.
"You are so kind that even the tigers and wolves are moving away," he
told the magistrate.
Just then one of the magistrate's aides came to report that someone was eaten by
a tiger last night. The magistrate asked why and Feng Xile answered, " It
was merely passing by.

A and B were good friends. One day, B heard that A was ill and went to see him. He
asked the worried A, "What disease do you suffer and what do you want? Tell
me and I will try my best to help you out. "
"I'm suffering from a disease called Money Shortage Syndrome. Five grams of
silver is enough to cure my illness." A answered.
Pretending not to have heard him, B asked, "What did you say?"

A man who was going away for some time enjoined his son: "If anyone asks for me, you can tell him that your father has been called
away to attend to a minor matter and be sure to ask him in for a cup of
tea."
Afraid that his idiotic son might forget his instructions, he wrote them down
upon a slip of paper and gave it to his son, who tucked it into his sleeve and
took it out to look at every now and then.
Three days passed without anyone coming to see his father. Thinking that he had
no more use for that slip of paper, the boy committed it to the flames. On the
fourth day, however, an unexpected visitor dropped in.
"Where is your father?" asked the visitor.
The boy immediately put his hand into his sleeve and fished around for the slip
of paper. As he could not find it, he ejaculated:
"No More."
Taken aback, the visitor asked:
"No more? When did it happen?"
"Burnt last night."

A Chinese man arranged for a hooker to come to his room for the evening. Once
in the room they undressed, climbed into bed, and went at it. When finished, the
Chinese man jumped up, ran over to the window, took a deep breath, dove under
the bed, climbed out the other side, jumped back into bed with the hooker and
commenced a repeat performance.
The hooker was impressed with the gusto of the second encounter. When finished,
the Chinese man jumped up, ran over to the window, took a deep breath, dove
under the bed, climbed out the other side, jumped back into bed with the hooker
and started again!
The hooker was amazed at this sequence. During the fifth encounter, she decided
to try it herself. When they were done she jumped up, went to the window and took
a deep breath of fresh air, dove under the bed and find four other Chinese men there.

Walking through Chinatown, a tourist is fascinated with all the Chinese
restaurants, shops, signs and banners. He turns a corner and sees a building
with the sign, "Hans Olaffsen's Laundry. "Hans Olaffsen?", he
muses. "How the heck does that fit in here?" So he walks into the shop
and sees an old Chinese gentleman behind the counter. The tourist asks,
"How did this place get a name like "Hans Olaffsen's Laundry?"
The old man answers, "Is name of owner."
The tourist asks, "Well, who and where is the owner?"
"Me, is right here," replies the old man.
"You? How did you ever get a name like Hans Olaffsen?"
"Is simple," says the old man. "Many, many year ago when come to
this country, was stand in line at Documentation Center. Man in front was big
blonde Swede. Lady look at him and go, "What your name?" He say,
"Hans Olaffsen." Then she look at me and go, 'What your name?'"
"I say, Sem Ting."

A man went to the wine seller's at midnight to buy wine. The wine seller,
hearing several knocks at the door, said without opening it: "Just throw in your coppers through the crack in the door."
"But," inquired the man, "how are you going to get the wine
out?"
"Through the crack," was the reply.
At that the man laughed. 
"I'm not joking," said the wine seller," you see, my wine here is
quite thin. "

Heard on Paul Harvey ("PAUL Harvey ............... good Day!") this morning:
When Coca-Cola was first introduced to China a short time ago, the company had some difficulty spelling the product's name in Chinese, while keeping the same pronunciation ("ko-ka ko-la") ... the first attempt translated to "bite the wax  tadpole."  Finally they arrived at something which translated to "may your mouth rejoice," and now Coke is selling quite a bit better.

A man named Zhang Xuze, after having his bed repaired and embellished,
wanted to show it off. As no one was likely to come into his bedroom to look at
it, he hit upon an idea. Pretending to be ill, he kept to his bed so that his
in-laws and friends might come over to see him.
His brother-in-law, You Yangzi, who had a pair of new stockings knitted, wanted
to show it off, too. The day he came over to see Zhang, he purposely tucked up
his robe as he sat down and lifted one leg, putting the ankle of it on the knee
of the other. 
Then he inquired: "Well, what's wrong with you?"

Zhang Xuzi, looking at him for some time, could not help smiling. "We have the same illness," was the reply.

A grocer once had a daughter born to him. One day a friend of his made
a match for his
baby girl, and told him the future husband was only one year
older than she was.
The grocer discussed this marriage in private with his wife. "Our daughter
is just one, the boy's age is the double of hers; when she is twenty and gets
married, her husband will be forty," he said. "How do we have the
heart to marry off our daughter to such an old husband?"
His wife smiled and said, "You're really dumb. Our daughter is now one year
old, in one years time she'll be the same age as the boy, now won't she?

A friend of mine whose mother had recently passed away was seen eating red
glutinous rice on one rare occasion. A pedantic scholar who came to hear of this
expressed his disapproval by saying that it was highly improper for one in
mourning to eat red rice. Asked why, he explained that red signified happiness. 
Said my friend: " Does it mean that those who eat white rice are all in mourning?"