your mother has a short-haired, curly perm.
your dad is some sort of engineer or doctor.
your parents still tried to get you into places half-price saying you
were 12 when you were really 15. 
you ask your parents help on one math problem and 2 hours later
they're still lecturing.
you have a 40 lb. bag of rice in your pantry.
everyone thinks you're "Indian" no matter what part of South
Asia your ancestors were from.
you've had a bowl haircut at one point in your life.
your parents enjoy comparing you to their friends' kids.
you've had to sit through videos with scantily clad, ugly Asian women
attempting to dance and walk around a temple, forest or library.
your parents say, "Don't forget your heritage."
you drive mostly Japanese cars.
you've learned to keep bargaining even if the prices are rock bottom.
you know what's going to happen in every Hindi movie before it
happens
you've never gotten little red envelopes around February.
piles of shoes tend to make it hard to open the front, back and
closet doors.
you're father and grandfathers have hair on their ears
idiot people try to impress you with pathetic imitation Asian
languages
your ancestors 1000 generations back invented the back scratcher.
at least one family member wears black wire/plastic frame glasses
your parents hover over your tired, caffeine-drugged body at 12
midnight to say, "In India (or other native country), we studied even
more."
your parents expect you'll be best friends with any one off the
street in any given area as long as they are Asian.
an Asian woman comes on campus and people ask: "Is that your
mother? Well then, is it your sister?"
your relatives' houses smell like incense, mothballs or both
your parents say, "Calculus? I took calculus in 8th
grade!!"
everyone thinks you're good at math.
you like $1.75 movies
you like $1.50 movies even more.
your aunts and uncles bring you back adorable clothing From Asia with
fuzzy bunnies, vinyl ducks and English words that make no sense, in great colors
like yellow, pink, magenta, orange and the ever popular lime green.
your parents insist you marry within your race.
you either really, really want to go to NYU or really, really want to
stay away from it
your parents have never kissed you
you learned about the birds and the bees from someone other than your
parents
"You want a stereo!" When I was your age, I didn't even
have shoes!!"
you have to call just about all your parent's friends "Auntie
and Uncle."
you have 12+ aunts and uncles from both your mother's and your
father's side
at expensive restaurants, you order a delicious glass of water for
your beverage and NEVER order dessert.
your parents simply cut the green/black part off the bread and say
"Eat it anyway. It's still good."
the vast majority of the people related to you wear glasses. Thick
glasses.
you will most likely be taller than your parents.
your parents have either made you play the piano, the violin or both.
you get nothing if you do well in school, but crapped on if you don't
when going to other peoples' houses, you always have to bring a gift.
your dad still pulls his socks up to his knees, you know, the ones
with the blue and pink stripes at the top.
your family owns a tennis racquet.
your family always cheers for the Asian athlete on TV (i.e. Michael
Chang)
the furniture in your house never matches the wallpaper, the carpet, the
decorations or any of the rest of the furniture.
you have rocks, sticks, leaves and strange-smelling, unknown
substances in your pantry for use as medicine.
you own a rice cooker or two
you buy corn oil by the gallon.
your family owns butcher knives bigger than your head.
your parents tell you about how long it took for them to get to
school, how horrible the weather was in their native country, and how much they
still appreciated going
your parents buy you clothes and shoes many sizes too big so you can
"grow into it" and wear it for years to come."

Bill Gates was in India a few days ago. He announced that Microsoft plans to release a windows version in Hindi. Here are some Windows related terms that may be used in the Hindi version of...

 Khidkiyan2006:
 Phaail = File
 Bachao = Save
 Aise Bachao = Save as
 Subko Bachao = Save All
 Mujhe Bachao = Help
 Dhoondo = Find
 Firse Dhoondo = Find Again
 Hilao = Move
 Daak = Mail
 Daakiya = Mailer
 Paas se dhekho = Zoom
 Duur se dhekho = Zoom Out
 Kholo = Open
 Bandh Karo = Close
 Naya = New
 Khatara = Old
 Badli Karo = Replace
 Bhaago = Run
 Chhaapo = Print
 Dekh Ke Chhaapo = Print Preview
 Kaapi = Copy
 Kaato = Cut
 Kato = Stupid Houseguest
 Chipkao = Paste
 Payshul Chipkao = Paste Special
 Goli Maaro = Delete
 Nazaara = View
 Hathiyaar = Tools
 Hathiyaar Khambha = Toolbar
 Khuli Chaadar = Spreadsheet
 Iska Bhi Naam Nahin Aata = Database
 Futaas Ki Goli Kha = Exit
 Ped = Tree
 Thooso = Compress
 Chooha = mouse
 Tik-Tik Karo = Click
 Idhar-se-Udhar.Udhar-se-Idhar = Scrollbar
 Cheers !

Three scientists, an American, a German, and an Indian, were
talking and bragging about the technological advances their respective countries
have achieved in the field of medicine.
The American said "In Washington, there was a baby boy born without arms
so we attached artificial arms on him.  And now that he's grown up and
became an Olympic professional boxer and a gold medallist !"
The German replied, "That's nothing to what we have achieved.  Back
in Berlin, there was a baby girl born without legs so we attached a pair of 
artificial legs on her.  Now she is a three-time Olympics marathon gold medallist
!"
The Indian interjected " Is that all you have achieved , just gold medallists?  In Patna, Bihar we had a baby boy born without a HEAD ! We
attached a COCONUT and called him Laloo and he has grown up and now he is the
Chief Minister of Bihar !"

Advice to father thinking about whether he should let his daughter continue her studies or get her married :
" Vell, if you wantu study her, then study her. If you wantu marry her, then marry her ."

An instructor explaining the working of pendulum: "Take an elephant of negligible weight"

Instructor: "Take a copper wire of any metal...and pour any liquid solution of sulphuric acid
in a round bottom flask of any shape."

"Do not smoke and spoil the botany of ur body"

He/she's my cousin brother/sister.

"You three, both of you kneel down together separately"

"Hey, please keep quiet. The president is rotating outside"

"I have to put my child to sleep"

" Florida paan shop. Prop: Raju . B.A, M.A. "

" Don't talk bad in front of my back "

Did you cut the ticket, yet?

"Entry too entry otherwise disentry"

The principal just passed away.

Who took out the breeze of my cykill.

My cykill is understanding the tree.

Open the windows and let the AIR FORCE come in"!

"Open the doors of the window, and let the atmosphere come in "

Say open or close the light.
Say chok-o-late instead of chocolate.
Say Hullo instead of Hello.
Say Vot instead of What.
Everything you eat is saut饤 in garlic, onion, chili and tomatoes.
Try and reuse gift wrappers, gift boxes, and of course aluminum foil.
You try to eject food particles from between your teeth by pressing
your tongue against them and making a peculiar noise like, tshick, tschick,
tschick or pphht.
Nibble at a toothpick like dessert.
Say hello by simply raising your eyebrow.
Automatically shorten peoples name even though they are already
short. Know some one named either, bobby, inky, pinky, chinky, or tinku.
Are standing next to the two largest size suitcases at the airport.
Arrive one or two hours late to a party - and think it's the norm.
Snap your fingers while dancing in a group.

Once Laloo Yadav, Sonia Gandhi, a saint and a schoolboy were traveling by a
private plane. Suddenly the engine caught fire and the pilot came out shouting, "This
plane is going to crash! And we have only four parachutes and there are five of
us in the plane.
Since I am a very important Indian Airlines pilot I am taking one parachute
and getting out of here." Saying this he rushed to the luggage area grabbed
one parachute and jumped off the plane. Sonia Gandhi said, "Since I am the
future Prime Minister of India I am very important and have to live!" She
also grabbed a parachute and jumped.
Laloo Yadav said, "I am the king-maker of this country, the most honest
politician of India and above all the most intelligent person living in this
country, and the most intelligent person must live!" Saying so Laloo went
to the luggage area, grabbed one and jumped off the plane.
The old saint said to the school boy, "There is only one parachute left, and
there are two of us. I am an old man and don't need to live any more. You take
the last parachute and jump."
The school boy said, "Don't worry! There are still two parachutes left with
us! The most intelligent person, Laloo Yadav, jumped off the plane with my
school bag!"

10. The Hero and Heroine fall in love without first having a fight 
9. The Hero doesn't sing "mere pyaari behana" to his sister,
neither does she get raped nor does she get married off to some goon who ill
treats her. 
8. The Hero actually asks the Heroine to elope with him instead of
confronting her father and finally winning him over. 
7. The Hero's bachelor friends at work do not get to come home and enjoy a
meal cooked by the newly wed bride, with one of them ogling at her with evil
intentions. 
6. Since the Hero and Heroine get married very early in the movie, they
should have known that something was going to go wrong and should have taken due
care. 
5. The movie is called "Bombay" but we don't get to see even one
overflowing electric train. (It is like Ice station Zebra with no Zebras
around) 
4. Hero/Heroine do not have enough friends or relatives for a final group
shot. 
3. The Hero's children are ignorant about religion because the director
forgets to include a scene where the Hero or Hero's father has a table with a
Bible, a Koran and a Bhagwad Gita. 
2. The Heroine forgets to teach her children the family re-unification song,
when separated we see the kids helpless not knowing what to do unlike their more
well bred counterparts from other films. and 
1. "Rabert! Agar aam janta, marra marri karne lage, tho humme kaise
phillummo me chance millega"

10. You think most Indian teenagers are pure and chaste. 
9. You think everyone in the world knows about the O.J. Simpson case. 
8. You can't believe the world wide web exists in India. You can't believe
Delhi has had phone services like call waiting and the other fancy stuff you get
here for the past three years and you can't believe there have been ATM (like
MAC) machines in Indian cities for more than 7 years. 
7. You like Broccoli. 
6. You find cricket to be boring but watch golf, bowling or curling on
TV. 
5. You express sarcasm with "Yeah, right." 
4. When you see anyone at all pass by you on the road, you greet them with a
"Howz it goin", "Whassup" or "How you doin" and
keep walking on. 
3. You say "interesting" when either you don't care or think it is
weird. 
2. You refer to India as a Third World Country. 
1. You understood, enjoyed and could relate to every joke in Asian Jokes
& Funny Pictures.

10. You have named your son as 'Baba' and your daughter as 'Ratna'.[Baba and Ratna are two popular Zarda (tobacco) brands, in India]
9. You are getting too many offers to act in Dracula films.
8. You threatened to kill the PAAN SHOP guy for giving you a 'meetha' (sweet) Paan instead of a Zarda (tobacco)
Paan.
7. When there are no Paan shops around, you climb an Eucalyptus tree and
start chewing the leaves.
6. Customs people start inspecting your tooth cavities for smuggled
goods.
5. Western folks stare at you and ask what dye you used for your teeth?
4. Buffaloes stare at you and wonder why you are also ruminating like
them.
3. You accidentally spat on the guy in the Tinopal dress, going for an interview, and he beat the hell out of you.
2. You have been caned in Singapore for littering the streets.
1. Your wife/girl-friend insists that you kiss her on her cheeks.

10. A chain of "Bhaskar-RaoBins" ice cream stores all over the
country, in collaboration with Baskin Robins. 
9. Kraft will make "PARAMESAN CHEESE" at Madras, in collaboration
with Parameswaran & Co. 
8. Kentucky Fried Chicken will open its chain of Indian version, to be named,
"KARNATAKI FLY-ED CHICKEN" and will be headquartered at Bangalore. 
7. Pizza Hut will open a chain, in the back alleys of all cities, its
version, to be named:"PICHHE HUT". Headquarters: Kanpur. PICHHE =
means back-alleys for the uneducated 6
. McDonalds will open its fast food restaurants to be named: "McDosalu".
Hqs. Hyderabad. Main menu: Idli and Dosa. 
5. Mr. Submarine will name its restaurants as "Mr. SUBRAMANI", to
be headquartered at Madras. 
4. Red Carpets colored with biodegradable (hence environmentally friendly)
red PAAN. Juice extracts will enjoy duty-free status in US. 
3. Dallas Cowboys will own a new franchise: Dilli's COW-BHAIS, to teach
Indians how to play Football.... with hands. 
2. Duty-free import of Ambassador cars into USA, as long as they are not used
outside of Demolition Derby. 
1. Internal Revenue Service will provide technology transfer of its Tax
System software to Indian Income Tax Dept and to be named: "UNCLE SHYAM".