India wins Cricket match; 120 people die of shock
Bihar sold to Pakistan; Resulted In an unrelated incident: Literacy
soars up to 86% in India and in another interesting incident Pakistan's
literacy rate also increases by 50 %.
Population Statistics: 42% - Literate, 58%- Politicians.
Flood in Bihar; 2 die of thirst.
India wins Gold in India versus Rest Of India Games
Poverty to be eradicated in India using Virtual Reality Software.
Laloo to be made National Animal.
Ramar Pillai produces Pottasium Permanganate from rice, water, a
stick and some Pottasium Permanganate.
No bombings in Kashmir today
Suit filed holding Sharad pawar responsible for Battle of
Panipat,1526.
Doctorate conferred on Jayalalitha for completing 2 months in Jail
Death penalty upheld for Attempted Suicide victim.

A Surd was going by train from Delhi to Bombay. He kept getting off at every
station to buy a ticket till the next station. When the train reached Delhi, the
Surd's co-passengers asked him why he kept on buying tickets instead of buying a
ticket for the entire. The Surd replied that his doctor had advised him against
taking long journeys.

Three friends who, after graduating from college, were meeting for the first
time in years. They each had gone back to their native cities of Jullundhar,
Bombay, and Calcutta.
The man from Bombay wanted to impress his two other friends with the medical
expertise in Bombay so he stated: "I know of a doctor in Bombay who joined a
severed arm with special glue."
Not to be outdone, the friend from Calcutta said: "That's nothing. One
of the doctors in Calcutta recently rejoined someone's head with a special
ointment."
"We have gone EVEN further," proclaimed the man from Jullundhar.
"One of my uncles was cut into two right around the navel. Our doctor
immediately slaughtered a goat and joined its rear half to my uncle's upper
half. So we have my uncle as well as two liters of milk everyday."

Gora-Boy was an unnaturally Gora Indian Boy. He wasn't very handsome, or good looking, or have a nice voice, but All the aunties loved him because
Gora-Boy was so unbelievably Gora.
His mother used to introduce him to all her friends proudly, and they used to remark on Gora's boys Gora-ness. She proudly used to say "he takes after
me" and all the other aunties would smile and nod, and give Gora-Boy 10 pound notes in return for pulling tightly at his cheeks.
One day, Gora-Boy was travelling on the train with his friends to Paris. Sitting behind him was White-Kid, who was called Richard. Richard had dark
hair, and spoke in a funny way because his father was one quarter Indian.
Gora-Boy sat opposite to some nice, Indian girls on the train, who naturally thought he was so handsome just because he was Gora, and for no other
reason. He made them laugh because he could do really good impressions of Indian Uncles. He was especially funny when he would say Indian phrases with
English words like
"Camon Camon, Jaldee Karo!"or
"Nai Bhai, Bullshit ho gya!"
The Nice Girls thought that Gora-Boy was fooling around and that he had just learned these phrases from some Indian neighbours. That is until they saw
Gora-Boys Passport and started screaming, when they looked at his Oh-So Indian name. They screamed like as if they had just seen a celebrity. They
couldn't believe he was actually Indian! How Gora he was! How normal he was compared to other vain Indian Boys! What good Urdu he could speak!
How could he be so funny and charming and actually be Indian!
How their fathers would love him!
The Nicest of the Girls, who was very fair herself, had dark brown highlighted hair and was wearing green contact lenses scrawled down her
number and handed it to Gora-Boy who smiled and just put in his pocket. Then she impulsively took Gora-Boys arm asked Gora-Boy to walk her to the Buffet
Car. All of Gora-Boys friends started whistling. Gora Boy (who had never really liked Indian Girls that much anyway) was surprised because this had
never happened to him before outside of a club. He just politely took the hand of the Nice Girl and walked off.
Richard who was positively looking to get lucky, saw what had happened with
Gora-Boy.
He walked up to he rest of the Nice Indian girls and said "I bet you can't believe I am Actually
Anglo-Indian..."

A saadhu (saint) and a shikaari (hunter) meet in a forest. The
shikaari sees a bird and shoots. 
He misses and exclaims: "Behanchood! I missed". 
The saadhu says killing animals is wrong as it is and using
dirty language when not succeeding makes it worse. After some time the shikaari
sees a deer and shoots.
 He misses again and shouts: "Lund saalaa! phir sae
missed" 
The saadhu warns him: "If you use such crass language
again. I will call upon the Gods to curse you." 
This time the hunter spots an elephant at ten meters range. He
shoots and still misses and cries out: "Gaanduu! Missed even
this." 
The saint loses his tolerance and prays: "O God. This man
has sinned thrice in front of a saint, despite warnings. Take him
away." 
"Thooom!" There is a lightning bolt from the sky and
the saadhu is vaporised. Awestruck, the shikaari looks towards the sky and hears
a thunder "Bhoonsadiwaalae! I missed too."

They've finally gone and done it! The parents have arranged one of those
"meetings" where the "Any Other Business" is "Would you
like pink balloons or red ones at the wedding reception?"
Yes! You're being introduced to a potential marriage partner. But to your
horror Prince/Princess Charming(less) has a personality about as interesting as
your big toe, wears clothes straight from the Patiala fashion show for Punjabi
Farmers, has a face like a Pizza (with extra olives) and worst of all is an Accountant!

Lady: "Naheeeee! Mummy, don't force me to spend the
rest of my life with this uloo!
So how do you tell them that you're not interested? Well, there are obvious
ways to say "Take a hike, Jack (or Jaswinder)!" but that could lead to
teary eyes all round! So for your well-being The Funjabis have put together
"Ten Ways To Say Get Lost - With A Smile." It may help you to adjourn
the meeting more gracefully so you can live to have another one the following
weekend!

Wipe your nose on your sleeve and then wipe it on theirs - twice!
Order a bucket of ghee to put in your saag during roti.
Sit on the dining table and shout loudly for food!
Tell them about your cuddly animal with which you like to sleep (ie the
neighbor's bullock)!
After roti, lick your plate frantically - then offer to lick theirs!
When serving the ladoos, shout "Catch!" and throw it at them.
Talk with your mouth full and spray the samosa filling when talking.
Ask if anyone knows any good Punjabi swear words. When they say no,
proceed to tell them all the ones that you know. Direct them at the grand
mother for more effect!
Ask if you can tattoo your name on their forehead - in Punjabi.
Cat whistle at the parents - especially at the mother (whether you're a
boy or a girl)!

If this doesn't do it, we suggest you go for the pink balloons at the
reception!

Time for answering the questions is twenty minutes.
Answer all the questions, and answer them honestly. Please remember you're
trying to become a cop, for Christ's sake!!

1. At the time of traffic accidents, I can shut
out the outside world and focus completely
on milking the situation for profit - ignoring
all damage to public property and loss of life or limb.

yes no.
2. I have no problem with roasting
in the hot summer sun for hours, in clothes that are two
sizes too small.

yes no.
3. My waist size is
(in inches)

46 78
223
4. I can effortlessly switch
between 'aggressively rude', 'condescending'
and 'sickeningly, groveling
polite', depending on the social standing
of the person I am talking to at the moment.

yes no.
5. If you come across a multiple
traffic violation that includes drunken driving,
driving without a license
and loss to property, how would you evaluate
the situation?

Rs. 1,500
Rs. 5,000 plus
perks.
Rs. 100, plus the
chance to deliver a 45 minute lecture.
6. I have no particular
emotional need to be nice once in a while, even to women,
children and the elderly.

yes no.
7. I am spineless enough to ignore
big-time offences by government vehicles,
while simultaneously harassing a nerdy college student
for not having his anti-glare sticker in the
proper place.

yes no.
8. I have an exaggerated
opinion of my own importance in the larger scheme of things.

yes no.
9. Faced with a severe traffic jam, I have the
ability to look busy by smacking
auto rickshaws
with my lathi, screaming angrily and running
to and fro - all without doing a single thing to
clear things up.

yes no.
10. In the space provided, write down whatever
you know about police procedures, the
law in general and basic human ethics.


This article courtesy bosey.com. For more like this, please visit
www.bosey.com

Steven
Spielberg's smash hit dinosaur flick "Jurassic
Park" is the latest victim of the Telugu film industry's remake
factory. The blockbuster special-effects extravaganza is being
re-made for a Telugu audience, and the script will
undergo some modification to appeal to the discerning
Telugu movie go-er.
"What is there in Spielberg or George Lucas? They
make good films, but our film will be better than the
original. We are using Indian values to add
some interest value." said someone named Rao.
Reports reveal that the main
story line will involve a dinosaur whose mother is
kidnapped by smugglers. The dinosaur then sets off on a long journey to
rescue her, discovers that the kidnappers had killed his
father over the issue of some merchandising rights,
and gets his revenge by blowing
up a few helicopters. On the way, he meets and falls in love with a
girl dinosaur with big breasts and garish
clothes, and marries her at the end of the film. Efforts are on to design
a dinosaur with a moustache, as this is essential
for a hero to be successful in Telugu.
There will also be some spectacular song and fight
sequences, including a group dance atop the Eiffel
tower, and a brutal fistfight involving
some fruit carts and an
eagle.
"What is the use of brown
dinosaurs? So boring. We are going to have more colorful
dinosaurs - probably pink, lime-green
and royal purple, "said someone named Reddy.
When asked if they might also be candy-striped or polka-dotted,
he angrily retorted "What? Are you crazy? How can
dinosaurs have patterns?"
The film is tentatively titled "Jurassic
Alludu", but producers are also toying with alternatives like "Bobbili
Dino" and "T-Rex No.1."

This article courtesy bosey.com. For more like this, please
visit www.bosey.com

Once upon a time there was a nice young man called Karim. He
used to sell caps for a living, and roamed around several villages. One day he
would be in Mughalsarai, the other day people would find him in Faizabad.
It was an afternoon in the summer and he was traversing the vast plains when he felt
tired and wanted to have a nap. He found a nice mango tree with lots of branches
and cool shade, placed his bag of caps beside him and went to sleep. Tired as he
was, he was quickly fast asleep. When he woke up after a refreshing little nap,
he found that there weren't any caps in his bag!
"Oh, Allah!", he said to himself, "Did the thieves have to find
me of all people?" But then he noticed that the mango tree was full of cute
monkeys wearing colorful caps!
He yelled at the monkeys and they screamed back. He made faces at them and found the monkeys to be experts at that.
He threw stones at them and they showered him with raw mangoes.
"Ya Allah, how do I get my caps back," he said.
Frustrated, he took off his own cap and slammed it on the ground. And Lo, the
stupid monkeys threw their caps too! Smart Karim didn't waste a second,
collected the caps and was on his way.
50 YEARS LATER....
Young Abdul, grandson of famous topiwala Karim who was also working hard at
making $$$ doing his family business, was going through the same jungle.
After a long walk he was very tired and found a nice mango tree with lots of
branches and cool shade. Abdul decided to rest a while and very soon was fast
asleep. A few hours later, when Abdul woke up, he realized that all the caps
from his bag were gone! Abdul started searching for the same and to his surprise
found some monkeys sitting on the mango tree wearing his caps.
Abdul was frustrated and didn't know what to do. And then he remembered a story
his grandfather proudly used to tell him.
"Yes!!!! I can fool these monkeys!!!", said Abdul.
"I'll make them imitate me and very soon I'll get all my caps back!"
Abdul waved at the monkeys -- the Monkeys waved at Abdul. Abdul blew his nose -- the Monkeys blew their noses.
Abdul started dancing -- the Monkeys were also dancing. Abdul pulled his ears -- the Monkeys pulled their ears.
Abdul raised his hands -- the Monkeys raised their hands.
Abdul threw his cap on the ground ............ .... one of the monkeys jumped
down from the tree, walked up to Abdul; slapped him and said, "Do you think ONLY YOU HAD A GRANDFATHER?????"

Bantu returns from his first day at school and immediately questions his
father." Dad, today we had a Spelling Class - All the other kids could only
say half the alphabet, but I knew the whole thing. Is that because I am Sardar?"
"No son, that's because you are intelligent. " Bantu seeming content
with the answer, asks his father another question, "Dad, today we had Math
class - All the other kids could only count from 1-10, I could count from 1 to
20. Is this 
because I am Sardar ??"
"No son, that's because you are intelligent," replies his father.
Happy with the answer, Bantu poses another question to his father, "Dad,
today we had Medical Examination, all the other boys were shorter than me, I was at least twice their height. Is that because I am Sardar ??"
The father replies, "No son, that's because you are 31 years old."