Sindhi lawyer: Case-wani
Sindhi lawyer after a case: Purse-wani
The blue-skier sindhi: Akash-wani
Supplied in south indian hospitals: Nursing gum
Desi who falls at people's feet: Charan Singh
Desi who falls at peopls' feet and stays there: Gir charan Singh

What is a smart Malayalee called? - Debo-nair.

What is a dynamic malayalee called ? - Pheno-Menon.

Why did the malayalee crossed the road ? - Simbly.

What did one Bengali voyeur ask another? - Keyhollo.

How was wire invented ? - Two marwaris spotted the same coin.

Why did the Gujju think the film Gandhi was about a woman? - Because Be(h)n Kingsley was in it.

What is a communist Sindhi called? - Lalwani.

What is a Sindhi who falls from the first floor called? - Thadani.

What is a Sindhi who falls from the 17th. floor called? - Kriplani.

What is a Sindhi who falls from the 30th. floor called? - Marjani. 

What are the degrees of egoism in Tamil Nadu? - I, Iyer, Iyengar.

What is a jiving Sardar called? - Breakdan Singh.

What do you call a sardar who drinks only beer ? - Just-beer Singh.

What do you call a sardar who has only one drink ? - Just-one Singh.

a sikh scuba diver .. JULL-UNDER SINGH

a better adapted sikh diver .. JULLUNDER SINGH GILL

a bald sardarjee .. BAL-WANT SINGH

What does a sardarjee say to a whore ? ..WHORE JEE, KI HAL HAI ?

Why do you say (Bhagwan Shri) Rajneesh detests city life ? 'cos, from Koregaon he went to Oreg(a)on.

Why is A.P the land of underwears ? 'cos there they keep saying - yemUNDEE, chappUNDEE, koorchUNDDEE etc.

What is the (State) Anthem of A.P ? - telan-gana-mana ...

What is the most famous jingle in A.P ? - A.P days are here again ...

What do you call a bong who talks a lot, sometimes without making sense? - Mr. Chatter Jee.

Who is that guy visiting the Golden Temple everyday? - Har Mandir Singh.

What do you call a very rich Malayalee? - Million Iyer

Who is he who has many publications to his credit? - Journal Singh

What do you call a bong who takes bribe? - Mr. Goosh

Who is he who visited the Russia-China border? - Long Wall Singh

Who is that guy who enlightens others? - Lanthanwalla

What do you call a sikh female's boyfriend? - Her Pal Singh

What do you call a sikh guy running towards the enemy camp with a white flag in his hand? - Surrender
Singh

How does a malayalee spell the word 'MOON' ? - M - O yet another O N.

Why do Indians smell? (submitted by: Foyf
)

So blind people can hate them too

What do the average Indian weigh? (submitted by: Foyf
)

Sweets

Why is Delhi a male city (Maha Nagar) and Bombay a female city (Maha Nagri)?
(submitted by:  TejasMehta@aol.com)

 Because Delhi has Qutab Minar and Bombay has Gateway of
India. 

What does INTERNET stand for? (submitted by:TejasMehta@aol.com)

Indians Networking To Ensure Raillery Now En Then. 


What do you call a smart Indian? (submitted by:TejasMehta@aol.com)

A: Indigenous. 

Q: Why is India a banana republic? (submitted by:TejasMehta@aol.com)

Because the politicians keeps chanting, "Hame ye banana hai, wo
banana hai!

Two diplomats are riding in a limousine in Moscow, an Indian and a Russian, discussing state
business. 
The Russian says to the Indian, "Rohit, I like you, but my superiors say the deal can't
go through. They don't want to be associated with  your country. They tell me it's filthy and the 
citizens just shit on the streets." 
"That is not true!" exclaims the Indian, "We are very fastidious...in fact, you're not one to talk,
isn't that someone shitting on your fine  sidewalk?" he points out the window where there 
is indeed a squatted figure defecating on the sidewalk. 
The Russian diplomat is enraged. "Stop the car!" he yells at the driver,
Pavel. "Pavel, go execute that shitting man." Pavel nods at his boss, stops
the the car and takes out a gun. 
After a minute, he shakes his head and returns to his boss. "Sir, I cannot execute him." 
"Why the hell not?" yells the Russian. 
"Sir, he's the Indian Prime Minister."

There is a sale on any item, you buy 100 of them.

You put your clothes in suitcases instead of wardrobes.

You have a 'Singer Brother' sewing machine at home.

Your mother has a minor disagreement with her (or your dad's) sister and doesn't talk to her for ten years.

You call an older person you've never met before "uncle".

You hide everything from your parents.

Your mother does everything for you if you are male.

You do all the housework and cooking if you are female.

Your relatives alone could populate a small city.

Everyone is a family friend.

Everyone always called you for help on homework.

You read law, medicine or engineering at university.

You were thick (i.e. stupid) so you studied accounting or business instead.

You know no one who has studied music.

You went to a university as far away from home as possible.

You still came back home to live with your parents after you had finished.

Your best friend got married at the age of 16.

You only make telephone calls after 6pm (discounts) or after 9 p.m.

You like the meat well done.

You eat onions with everything.

You use chilli sauce instead of tomato ketchup.

You fight over who pays the dinner bill.

You say you hate Indian films(/songs) but secretly watch(/hear) them with your parents.

You teach Westerners swearwords in your language.

You order Indian food in your own language to impress the people you're with but the waiters don't understand you.

You avoid public places when with a member of the opposite sex, especially if there is an acquaintance within a 250 miles radius.

You always say "open the light" instead of "turn the light on".

You secure your baggage with a rope.

You're walking out of customs with your trolley at the airport and you see all twenty-five members of your family who have come to pick you up.

You get very upset when airlines refuse to accept your luggage which is just 80 lbs. overweight.

You go back to your parents' country and people treat you like a member
of...the royal family.

You ask your dad a simple question and he tells you story of how he had to walk miles barefoot just to get to school.

Your Dad drives a GM.

You're rich so he drives a Mercedes.

(For females)

You're parents would freak out if you wore a crop top baring your midriff...but wearing a sari is perfectly acceptable

Your brother had no curfew while you had to be home at 11pm

You are ALWAYS taking off and putting on your shoes wherever you go to your American friends, oil is used purely for cooking and not as a grooming aid

When your American friends cringe at the thought of their parents in bed, you wonder how odd it would be to see your parents get within one foot of...each other

Your parents have nicknames but only because people they work with just stop when trying to read their names

You have annoying nicknames like Chotu or Chicku,(lots more to add here)

Your parents call all your friends "Beta" whether they are Indian or not Your parent are panicking if you aren't married and you turn 25

Either you really like Indians of the opposite sex or you can't stand them

Your mother measures wealth in gold and diamonds

A horoscope must decide your wedding date

Your parents drink 6 cups of tea a day

You are sick and tired of answering questions about "the dot"

Your friends could not explain your religion to someone if they tried You could not explain your religion to someone if you tried

In the smallest...of subcompact cars, you still can't see over the wheel without a phone ...book.

WITH the phone book, you can't reach the pedals.
You have cousins you have never met, whose names you don't know, but who
insist they're related to you, even though they bear NO resemblance to...anyone YOU know.
Your parents push the concept of an arranged marriage on you and try and
demonstrate how well it works whenever they're not fighting.
Your parents compare you to all of their friends' kids.
You notice that whenever you go to another Indian's house, your parents
always talk about work and business.
The second you pull out of someone's driveway, your parents start
talking...about them.
Every few months your parents say when they're moving back to India
No one ever seems to call ahead of time to say they are coming over for a visit.

There was once LKY visited India. He was warmly welcomed by Gandhi, who took
him to view many places in India. After sightseeing, LKY has this to say to
Gandhi, 'All the places I have visited in India are dirty, filthy and untidy.
you should see how clean Singapore is!'
A month later, Gandhi made a visit to Singapore. LKY brought him to Compass
Rose for dinner. Gandhi who was unhappy with LKY insult, tried to find some
dirty places in Singapore to return the insult.
He took a pair of binoculars and look all around singapore to find a place
which is dirty, but could find none. Finally, Gandhi after 10 mins of searching,
saw a place which is very dirty and untidy.
He signaled to LKY and ask him to take a look. Gandhi said, 'This particular
place is extremely dirty and untidy. Can you tell me where it is?'
LKY took a look from the binos and said with a smile, 'Oh, that is Little
India.'

To help the new wave of incoming students from India, here are the proper
answers to awkward questions asked everyday: 

Q. What does that red dot on women's forehead mean? 

A. Well, in ancient times, Indian men used to practice archery skills
by target practicing by aiming at their wife's red dot. In fact, that is
one of the reasons why they had many wives. You see, once they mastered
the art of archery and hit the target.... 


Q. You're from India? I have read so much about the country. All the
wonderful places, the forests, the snake charmers, the elephants. Do you
still use elephants for transportation? 

A. Absolutely. In fact we used to have our own elephant in our house.
But later, we started participating in elephant-ride sharing schemes
with our neighbors, to save the air. You see elephants have an
"emissions" problem..... 


Q. Does India have cars? 

A. No. We ride elephants to work. The government is trying to
encourage ride-sharing schemes. 


Q. Does India have TV? 

A. No. We only have cable. 


Q. Are all Indians vegetarian? 

A. Yes. Even tigers are vegetarian in India. 


Q. How come you speak English so well? 

A. You see when the British were ruling India, they employed Indians
as servants. It took too long for the Indians to learn English. So the
British isolated an "English-language" gene and infused their
servants' babies with it and since then all babies born are born
speaking English. 


Q. Are you a Hindi? 

A. Yes. I am spoken everyday in Northern India. 


Q. Do you speak Hindu? 

A. Yes, I also speak Jewish, Islam and Christianity. 


Q. Is it true that everyone there is very corrupt? 

A. Yes, in fact, I had to bribe my parents so that they would let me
go to school. 


Q. India is very hot, isn't it? 

A. It is so hot there that all the water boils spontaneously. That is
why tea is such a popular drink in India. 


Q. Are there any business companies in India? 

A. No. All Indians live on the Gandhian principles of
self-sufficiency. We all make our own clothes and grow our own food.
That is why you see all these thin skinny Indians -- it is is a lot of
hard work. 


Q. Indians cannot beef, huh? 

A. Cows provide milk which is a very essential part of Indian diet. So
eating cows is forbidden. However in order to decrease the population of
the country, the government is trying to encourage everyone to eat human
meat. 


Q. India is such a religious place. Do you meditate regularly? 

A. Yes, sometimes I meditate for weeks without food and drink. But it
is difficult to keep my job, because I have to miss work when I meditate
like that. But the bosses there do the same thing. That is why things
are so inefficient there. 


Q. I saw on TV that people there walk on burning coals. Why do they do
that? 

A. We don't have shoes. So we burn the bottom of our feet to make it
hard so that we can walk. 


Q. Why do you sometimes wear Indian clothes to work? 

A. I prefer it to coming naked.

The Scene: The Girl is a 23 year old investment banker working in New York.
The Boy is doing his residency in Boston and was given her number by his mother,
who is a friend of the Girl's aunt's brother-in-law's cousin's uncle's wife in
Chicago. 
Monday night, 10 pm 
Girl: Hello? 
Boy: (Shit, she's home!) Umm, hi! Is this ---? 
Girl: Speaking. 
Boy: My name is ---. I don't know if you know who I am- (God, what if she
doesn't know who I am? I'll sound like a complete idiot.) Hell, I already sound
like a complete idiot. I don't even know why I'm doing this!) 
Girl: Oh, you live in Boston, right? 
Boy: Yeah. (Ok, she was told about me, that's a fucking relief. I wonder what
she was told - "He's a resident, tall, and fair, and he graduated from Ivy
League school!" God, she probably hates me already!) 
Girl: Yeah, my mother mentioned you had my number. (I can't believe he
actually called!) 
Boy: So, how are you? Oh yeah, that's real original, but what the hell else I
am supposed to say- Umm, hi, I don't know you, but do you want to be
wife?) 
Girl: I'm fine. And you? (Ok, this is off to a great fucking start) 
Boy: I'm good. (Ok, think, think!) So, I heard you're an investment banker?
(Oh, that's a real winner. Now I can be a bad conversationalist and an
idiot!) 
Girl: Yes. 
Boy: (Ok, she is not helping me at all!) Where do you work? 
Girl: Merrill Lynch. 
Boy: Hey, that's a great firm! (I sound like a complete moron. I should just
hang up except my mother would somehow find out and kill me!) 
Girl: Yeah, it's a nice place to work. (God, this guy sounds like a complete
loser) 
Boy: So...(Stall ,stall!) 
Girl: So you're doing your residency in cardiology? (Like my mom didn't tell
me that 500 times already!) 
Boy: (Ok, I can handle this...) Yeah, I'm in my second year. (Alright, now
say something else, but what do I say? Do you drink and have sex? Cause if you
want to marry me, you can't be one of those goody goody South Asian girls who
think if they kiss a guy they've practically gone all the way) So, what do you
like to do in your free time? 
Girl: (Umm... get wasted...) Oh, you know, hang out with my friends, go to
movies. 
Boy: Where do you like to hang out in NY? 
Girl: (Shit, what am I supposed to say? This guy could be some religious
freak! I can't say bars - I'll say clubs, you can go to clubs and not drink...)
Oh, sometimes we go to the movies, or there's a couple clubs that are good...
(That was good, I made it sound like I like clubs, but I'm not really into
them...) 
Boy: (Ok, she goes to clubs, that's a good sign. If she was really religious
she wouldn't do that.) Yeah? I like to dance also. 
Girl: (He likes to dance- that's a good sign. He can't be that stiff!) So
where do you hang out in Boston? 
Boy: (Should I say it- alright, I'll say it, what the hell!) Umm, the same,
bars, clubs, stuff like that. 
Girl: (He said bars! So he probably drinks. Good sign. I should explore this
further...) Are there any good bars in Boston? 
Boy: Yeah, there are some nice ones, I mean, I'm not a huge drinker, but I
like having a good time. (Ok, that gives the impression of someone who enjoys
drinking but is not an alcoholic - pretty good, if I do say so myself!) 
Girl: (That sounds really positive. This guy sounds kind of cool. But if he's
so cool why is he calling me? Shouldn't he have a girlfriend? Or not need to
call random girls his mother tells him about? God, what if he's completely ugly?
Or has never been kissed?) Yeah, me too. Although I hope my parents never find
out. 
Boy: Yeah. I know exactly what you mean. (I wonder if she's butt) 
Girl: (Ok, so he didn't freak out at the living a double life reference-
another good sign. I just wish I knew what he looked like...) So... 
Boy: (Or she could be really fat with a huge mustache. Well, there's only one
way to find out!) So, I know this sounds a little crazy, but I'm visiting some
friends in NYC next weekend and I wonder if you'd want to get together for
coffee sometime. 
Girl: (Coffee. That's totally safe. If he's totally nasty I can have a quick
espresso and run like hell!) Yeah, that sounds great. 
Boy: (Alright that went pretty well. Coffee's pretty harmless. And who knows,
maybe she'll be cool. Now I have to get the hell out of this conversation...) So
I have your e-mail, should I just e-mail you soon and we can figure it
out? 
Girl: (E-mail is sooo much better than the phone. Thank God for e-mail!)
Yeah, just e-mail, I check it all the time at work, so- (God, this is getting
painful) 
Boy: Alright, I'll e-mail you soon. (Meaning in two days cause I don't want
to look too desperate, but at the same time I don't want to look like I'm trying
not to look too desperate) 
Girl: Coo

Hodgee comes to the United States from India, and he's only here a few months when he becomes very ill. He goes to doctor after doctor, but none of them can help him. Finally, he goes to an Indian doctor.

The doctor says, "Take dis bucket, go into de other room, shit in de bucket, piss on de shit, and then put your head down over de bucket and breathe in de fumes for ten minutes."
Hodgee takes the bucket, goes into the other room, shits in the bucket, pisses on the shit, bends over, and breathes in the fumes for ten minutes.
Then he comes back to the doctor and says, "It worked. I feel terrific. What was it?"
The doctor says, "You were homesick."

Singh stormed up to the front desk of the library and said, "I have a
complaint!"
"Yes, sir?"
"I borrowed a book last week and it was horrible!"
"What was wrong with it?"
"It had way too many characters and there was no plot whatsoever!"
The librarian nodded and said, "Ahh. So you must be the person who took
our phone book."

Gyani Zail Singh went to the US & had a meeting
with Reagan.  Reagan said, "I want to show you the advancement in
technology in USA. Come with me." 
Reagan takes him in a deep forest and says. "Dig the ground."
Zail Singh digs.
Reagan says, "More, more, more..."
Zail Singh has now reached a 100 feet.
Reagan says, "So now, did you find anything?"
Zail Singh, "I got a wire!"
Reagan says, "You see, it shows that even 200 years ago we used to have
telephones!"
Zail Singh was very frustrated and he invited Reagan to India.
In India GyaniJi says, "Now I want to show you the advancement in
India!"
He takes Reagan to a forest and asks him to dig.
After some time GyaniJi says, "More. .. more... more!"
Reagan has now reached almost 400 feet.
Zail Singh says, "Find anything?"
Reagan tries but finds nothing, "Nothing here!"
GyaniJi says, "You see even 400 years ago we had gone WIRELESS!"