How does a Gulti commute office 40 miles away?

He walks all the way because he wants to get a good resale value for his car.


Why does a Gulti wish for rain?

Because he gets a free car wash.


How does a Gulti wash clean his cloth and carpet?

He stuffs both together into washing machine to save few pennies.


Why does computer books in book stores get a Gulti smell?

Because those books were returned by a gulti after 30 days free trial.

Gujarat Engineering & Medical Entrance Exam 
Time Limit: 3 Weeks 
1. What language is spoken in Tamil Nadu ? 
2. Give a dissertation on the ancient Babylonian Empire with particular
reference to architecture, literature, law and social conditions -OR- give the
first name of Pierre Trudeau. 
3. Would you ask William Shakespeare to 
(a) build a bridge 
(b) sail the ocean 
(c) lead an army or 
(d) WRITE A PLAY 
4. What religion is the Pope? 
(a) Jewish 
(b) Catholic 
(c) Hindu 
(d) Polish 
(e) Agnostic (check only one) 
5. Metric conversion. How many feet is 0.0 meters? 
6. What time is it when the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand is on
the 5? 
7. How many commandments was Moses given? (approximately) 
8. What are people in India's far north called? 
(a) Westerners 
(b) Southerners 
(c) Northerners 
9. Spell -- Bush, Carter and Clinton 
10. Six kings of India have been called Akbar , the last one being Akbar the
Sixth. Name the previous five. 
11. Where does rain come from? 
(a) Macy's 
(b) a 7-11 
(c) Canada 
(d) the sky 
12. Can you explain Einstein's Theory of Relativity? 
(a) yes 
(b) no 
13. What are coat hangers used for? 
14. The "Jana Gana Mana " is the National Anthem for what
country? 
15. Explain Le Chateliers Principle of Dynamic Equilibrium -OR-spell your
name in BLOCK LETTERS. 
16. Where is the basement in a three story building located?
 17. Which part of India produces the most oranges? 
(a) Gujarat 
(b) Russia 
(c) Canada 
(d) Pakistan 
18. Advanced math. If you have three apples how many apples do you
have? 
19. What does AIR (All India Radio) stand for? 
20. The University of Chandigarh tradition for efficiency began when
(approximately)? 
(a) B.C. 
(b) A.D. 
(c) still waiting *You must answer at least three questions correctly to
qualify*

There came a big flood, and the water around Bhola's house was rising
steadily..
Bhola was standing on the porch, watching water rising all around him, when a
man in a boat came along and called to Bhola, "Get in the boat and I'll get
you out of here. Bhola replied, "No thanks, God will save me."
Bhola went into the house, and the water was starting to pour in. So, he went
up to the second floor.
As he looked out, another man in a boat came along, and he called to Bhola,
"Get in the boat and I'll get you out of here."
Again, Bhola replied, "No thanks. God will save me."
The water kept rising. So, Bhola got out onto the roof.
A helicopter flew over, and the pilot called down to Bhola, "I'll drop
you a rope,grab onto it, and I'll get you out of here."
Again Bhola replied, "No thanks.  God will save me."
The water rose and rose, and soon nearly covered the whole house. Bhola fell
in, and drowned.
When he arrived in Heaven, he saw God, and asked Him, "Why didn't you
save me from that terrible flood?  Did I not show you my faith?"
With a loving but irritated tone God replied, "What more would you have
me do?  I sent people in two boats and a helicopter?"

Mr Harpreet Singh Gulati is traveling from Moscow to Turban Pore [Capital of
Khalistan] by Kithe Pacific. 
Seated besides him is Gary Kasparov. Gary asks him whether he would like to
play chess to kill time. 
Gulati : "Oye Gar(r)y. You think I don't know who U are?. I can't
compete with a world champion" 
Gary : "How about if I play left handed ?" 
Gulati : [Think.. Think..] "OK!" 
Gulati is demolished in 4 moves... and is very upset through-out the rest of
the journey. On landing he meets his friend Manpreet Singh. 
Gulati : Hey! U know what! I played Chess with Gary Kasparov and he defeated
me in spite of him playing left-handed... 
Manpreet : Oye ullu-de pathey!! He sure did fool you!! U know what!! Gary IS
LEFT-HANDED!!

Son : Pop... what is the
Ramayan stuff that all my friends in school talk about..
Pop : So, like this dude had, like, a big cool kingdom and people liked
him.  But, like, his step mom, or somethin', was kind of a bitch, and she
forced her husband to, like, you know, send this cool dude, he was Ram, to some
national forest or reserve or somethin'.
Since he was going, for like, somethin'
like more than 10 years or so, he decided to take his wife and his bro along. 
You know... so that they could all chill out together.  But dude, the
forest was reeeeeeal scary shit, really man, they had monkeys and devils and
shit like that.  
But this dude, Ram, kicked their ass with darts, bows and
arrows, so it was fine.  But then some bad boys, some jerk called Ravan, picks up his babe (Sita) and lures her away to his hood. And boy, were
our man, and his bro Lakshman, pissed!  And you don't piss this son-of-a-gunz
'coz, he just kicks ass and like, all the gods were with him.  
So anyways,
you don't mess with gods.  So, Ram and his bro get an army of monkeys. 
Dude, don't ask me how they trained the damn monkeys, just go along with me, 
OK.  So, Ram, Lakhs, and their monkeys whip this gansta's ass in his own
hood.  Anyways, by now, their time's up in the forest and anyways, it gets
kinda boring.  You know no TVs or malls or shit like that.  So, they decided to hitch back home.  He, his bro and the wife are back home.  

People thought, well, you know, at least they deserve somethin' nice and they
didn't have any bars and clubs in those days.  So they couldn't take them
out for a drink, so the people decided to smoke.  And they also had some
lamps, they lit the lamps too.  So it was pretty cooool... you know with
all those fireworks really, they had some local band play along with the
fireworks, and you know what, dude, that was the very first, no kidding, that was
the very first musical-synchronized fireworks.  You know, like the 4th of
the July stuff, but just more cooler and stuff, you know.  
And, so dude,
that was how, like, this festival started.  Cool!!!  Diwali Rocks
Maaaan!  Got it...

An elderly Punjabi admitted to the intensive care department of a hospital
requested that he take lessons in French. The doctor was puzzled and asked him
why.
"Well, French is the language of heaven," he sighed. "I want
to be able to communicate with everyone in heaven if I die."
"But how are you so sure that you will end up in heaven? You might go to
hell. What good will French do you then?" asked the doctor.
"That will no problem. I am fluent in Punjabi."

After making a trip of South India, Santa Singh, his wife and his son were
returning to Punjab in Tamilnadu Express.

Santa Singh was occupying the lower berth, his wife the middle berth and his
son the top most berth in the train. When the train stopped at one of the
stations on the way back the son requested Santa Singh to bring him a cup of
Ice cream to which Santa readily agreed. When Santa and his son returned they
found that a South Indian who couldn't understand Hindi had occupied his son's
berth.

Outraged, Santa Singh called the TT and asked him to help. TT requested that
he could not understand Hindi/Punjabi so it would be better if Santa Singh
explained the whole situation to him in English.

Santa Singh explained, "That man sleeping on top of my wife is not giving
birth to my child."

A monk was driving in India when suddenly a dog crosses the road. The car hit
and killed the dog. The monk looked around and seeing a temple, went to knock on
the door. A monk opened the door. The first monk said: "I'm terribly sorry,
but my karma ran over your dogma."

"What are you doing today, oh mother of my children?"
queries papa ji. "Well," replies mum ji, "I think I'll
get some chores out of the way, like marrying off your son!"
"What a great idea." agrees dad. "You do that while I
wash the cars!"
And so the wheels of the 'marriage machine' are set in motion. Once
moving anyone wishing to stop them is simply steam rolled over! Before
long an unsuspecting couple find that it has carried them all the way to
the temple. Accompanied by a million voices commanding their every move,
they sit cross legged in total bewilderment wondering which order to
obey first.


Oh kidha, Sorniya!



Evolution of the arranged marriage actually starts as soon as the grades have
been achieved, the job secured and the Ford Mondeo acquired. For then, life for
the single Asian suddenly shifts into the "eligible" gear. Not only do
mum and dad treat you like a prize poodle at Crufts but family relations (most
of whom you never knew you had), suddenly become very aware of your existence,
height, weight, qualifications and shoe size!
Your eligible presence is announced to anyone and everyone who may be
remotely connected to a potential partner! Usually this takes the form of
word-of- mouth or for the more discerning families, the Matrimonial section of
Des Pardes! Whichever method is used it does not really matter for the Asian
grapevine is far more effective than any 'information super highway'! Once the
word is out on the street, the marriage gangsters have got ya!
The belief that "marriages are made in heaven" holds little value
for Asians on the 'arranged marriage train'. Instead, what quickly becomes
apparent is that "marriages are made by Aunty Golabo" - who has a very
high success rate! A lady who is believed to harbor an advanced scientific
method to ensure that 100% chemistry is achieved between her
"arrangements". That is, one must be a male and the other not!
Hyperactive ladies such as Aunty Golabo, have successfully converted a
fun-time hobby into full-time employment. One that is best described as a
"marriage broker". The broker's portfolio contains "you" as
the investment being hedged against unattached stock floating on the market!
Although she acts as the go-between, you can be assured that she'll
go-between, under, over and sideways to make sure that the couple reach that
temple on time! Only then can another notch be etched on the "number of
marriages that I fixed" scale.
So what do parent's look for in their outlawed son (ie in-law to be)?
Financial security (supported by the last three pay slips), of good repute (ie
no punch-ups with rival gangs), an education (minimum four GCSEs) and owning a
strong body with no hereditary diseases. Similarly, the son's parents also have
their requirements specification! Of a sheltered and easily-satisfied home (with
no exposure to MTV) followed by competence in housework, a degree in kitchen
management studies and a willingness to conform to their pattern of living!
Further to these demands, the arrangees themselves add their own ideals. The
lady looks for intellect to feed weekend dinner parties, a broad outlook to
ensure a balanced approach, appreciation and practice of sexual equality,
kindness, generosity, trust-worthiness, ...and on, and on, and on! Fortunately,
the guy's requirements can, for all intensive purposes, be reduced to one; she
must be a babe!
With so many variables, constraints and participants involved, it's a real
wonder that such projects ever see the light of day, let alone result in an
ever-lasting marriage! Nevertheless, they do and there is a sporting chance that
the two families will live happily ever after (sometimes this even includes the
couple themselves)!
Indeed there is a high probability of AM (Arranged Marriage) occurring in the
morning to start a PM (Perfect Marriage) in the afternoon. Well, there is if
Aunty Golabo got her sums right!

A British Army colonel was reviewing the troops in colonial
India. One man he passed sported an enormous erection.
"Sergeant-Major!" the colonel shouted. "Give this man 30 days compassionate home leave."
"Yessir," the Sgt. Major replied.
A few months later the same thing occurred with the same man.
"Sergeant-Major! Give this man another 30 days compassionate home leave," the Colonel barked.
A few months later, same guy, same problem.
The Colonel is angry. "Sergeant-Major! Haven't we given this man two compassionate home leaves?"
"Yessir," the Sgt. Major replies.
"Then what's his problem, Sgt. Major?" the Colonel asks.
The Sgt. Major salutes and says, "Sir. It's you he's fond of."