A presidential staff advisor walks into the daily meeting a little
late and notices that everyone has a glum look on their face -- some even look a
little frightened -- and Clinton isn't in the room.

"What's the matter?" he asked

"Well, we had some bad news, and just got some even worse news."

"What's the bad news?"

"India has detonated some atomic weapons at their underground test site;
Pakistan has done the same at their proving area; and China is warning them both
that this could lead to regional war -- that may go nuclear."

"Oh my God, what could be worse than that?"

"Well, Bill just got hold of some Viagra."

Application Form To Be Filled For Contesting Indian Elections
---------------------------------------------------------------------- 
1. Name of Candidate : _______________________ 
2. Present Address 
(i) Name of Jail : _______________________ 
(ii) Cell Number : _______________________ 
3. Political Party : _______________________ (List ONLY the Last Five parties
in the Chronological (Order) 
4. Sex: [ ] 
A - Male 
B - Female 
C - Mayawati 
5. Nationality: [ ] 
A - Italian 
B - Indian 
6. Reasons for leaving last party (circle one or more) 
A - Defected 
B - Expelled 
C - Bought out 
D - None of above 
E - All of above 
7. Reasons for contesting elections (circle one or more) 
A - To make money 
B - To escape court trial 
C - To grossly misuse power 
D - To serve the public 
E - I have no clue (if you choose "D, attach Certificate of Sanity from a
Recognized Government Psychiatrist) 
8. How many years of public service experience do you possess? 
A - 1-2 yrs 
B - 2-6yrs 
C - 6-15yrs 
D - 15+yrs 
9. Give details of any criminal cases pending against you (Use as many
Additional Sheets as you want) 
10. How many years have you spent in Jail? [ ] (Do not confuse with question
8) 
A - 1-2 years 
B - 2-6 years 
C - 6-15 years 
D - 15+years 
11. Are you involved in any financial scams? [ ] 
A - Why not 
B - Of Course 
C - Definitely 
D - I deny it all 
E - I see a foreign hand. 
12. What is your Annual Corruption Income? [ ] 
A - 100-500 Crores 
B - 500-1000 Crores 
C - Overflow... (Convert all your $ earning from Hawala etc to Rupees) 
13. Do you have any developmental plans for India in mind? [ ] 
A - No 
B - No 
C - No 
D - No 
14. Describe your achievements in space provided: [_________] 
Thumb Impression of candidate (Not that of the person who filled the form)

Santa and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from Patiyala to New Delhi. The lawyer asks if he would like to play a fun
game. Santa, tired, just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and
explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun. He says, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me fifty rupees, and
vice versa." 
Again, Santa declines and tries to get some sleep. The lawyer, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer, you pay
me Rs. 50, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you Rs. 5000." 
This catches Santa's attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment, agrees to the game. The lawyer asks the first question: "What's
the distance from the earth to the moon?" 
Santa doesn't say a word, reaches into his purse, pulls out a Rs. 50 bill, and hands it to the
lawyer. "Okay," says the lawyer, "your turn." Santa asks, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes back with four legs?" 
The lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references ... no
answer. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the Internet and the Library of Congress ... no answer. Frustrated, he sends
e-mails to all his friends and coworkers but to no avail. After an hour,
he wakes Santa and hands him Rs. 5000. Santa thanks him and turns back to
get some more sleep. The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, stirs Santa and asks, "Well, what's the answer?" 
Without a word, Santa reaches into his purse, hands the lawyer Rs. 50, and goes back to sleep. And you
thought Sardars were dumb.

There was once a Indian and an Pakistani who lived next door to each other.
The Indian owned a hen and each morning would look in his garden and pick up one
of his hen's eggs for breakfast. 
One day he looked into his garden and saw that the hen had laid an egg in the
Pakistani's garden. He was about to go next door when he saw the Pakistani pick
up the egg. The Indian ran up to the Pakistani and told him that the egg
belonged to him because he owned the hen. The Pakistani disagreed because the
egg was laid on his property. 
They argued for a while until finally the Indian said, "In my family we
normally solve disputes by the following actions: I kick you in the balls and
time how long it takes you to get back up, then you kick me in the balls and
time how long it takes for me to get up, who ever gets up quicker wins the
egg." 
The Pakistani agreed to this and so the Indian found his heaviest pair of
boots and put them on, he took a few steps back, then ran toward the Pakistani
and kicked as hard as he could in the balls. The Pakistani fell to the floor
clutching his nuts howling in agony for 30 minutes. 
Eventually the Pakistani stood up and said, "Now it's my turn to kick
you." 
The Indian said, "Keep the damn egg!"

Here are a few things that could happen:

Mohini Devi, a housewife from Bihar sues PM for 1 Crore Rupees for
sexually molesting her. She alleges that during his election campaign in
Punjab he made overtures and advances of indecent nature - he kept saying
"Hame karna hai!" Reports say she is open to an out of the court
settlement.
J H Patel says India should reduce the number of visas issued to 'aliens'.
Demands cut in the number of American engineers being admitted into the
country says the whites ('Caucasian-Indians') are 'stealing' away the local
jobs.
Sports: Bombay 'Bombers' beat Madras 'Sambars' 3 - 0 in a 5 game cricket
tournament. Sachin Tendulkar says he wont be playing for Bombers from next
season, as the Bihar 'Lalloos' have offered him 50 lakh more to play for
them.
Tonight on Zee TV: Kabaddi world series live! over 4 countries from around
the world participating in his fast-becoming popular sport. Last time -
runner ups Germany looking to beat current champions Bangladesh. (as usual,
India is nowhere in the picture!)
Fringe: Woman sues fast food restaurant chain TFC (Tandoori Fried Chicken)
because the 'Chai' served to her was so hot that she burnt her lips.
Techno: Shiv Nadar says his company's 'Khidkiyan 98' operating system
could become the de facto standard, beating Microsoft's Windows operating
system, since it is a copy of a more advanced Macintosh OS.
India deports 250 'American - Indian' illegal aliens after they are found
working in a saree manufacturing sweat shop in Dharavi.
Hurricane "Bawandar" expected to lash the Andhra coast around
1300 hrs IDT. Watch minute by minute progress live on Doordarshan.
Amidst much controversy the Desi Gay Activists open a gay bar in calcutta
called "Bar-Bar"
San Francisco: Protesters demanded the shut down of fast food chain 'Udupi'
which was becoming immensely popular with the younger generation. "Its
not just the food" says Martha Smith, a housewife, "its the
lifestyle that our children adopt with it - wearing lungis, listening to
Karnatic music, lighting lamps and firecrackers on Halloween!".

Surinder's uncle was booked into an SIA flight to Bombay. But as this was his
first time in an airplane, he made a few preparations that were out of place.
When the stewardess came around to take orders for the in-flight meal, the uncle
declared loudly, "I have brought my own lunch. Make sure you don't charge
me for food and drinks!" 
So, as everybody was given their in-flight meal, the uncle began spreading
out his own home-cooked meal. The man sitting next to him was an American
history researcher, who was curious about the food. "Excuse me, what is
that drink?" he asked. 
The uncle picked up the yogurt-based lassi drink and said, "Milk of
India!" 
The the uncle took out several pieces of chapattis and started feasting.
"And what is that dish?" asked the curious American. 
"Wheat of India!" replied the uncle proudly. 
Finally, the uncle took out some desserts. He offered some to the
American. 
"What is it?" asked the American. 
"Sweet of India!" replied the old man. 
After the meal, everyone was settling down when there was a loud "Pooooooooot!"
from the uncle. 
"What was that?" asked the American in disgust. 
The old man replied coolly, "That's Air India!"

A Sardarji finds himself in dire trouble. His business has gone bust and he's in serious financial trouble.
He's so desperate that he decides to ask Bhagwan for help. He goes into the temple and begins to
pray.
"Oh Bhagwan, please help me, I've lost my business and if I don't get some money, I'm going to lose my house as well, please let me
win the lotto". Lotto night comes and somebody else wins it.
The Sardarji goes back to the synagogue. "Bhagwan, please let me win the lotto, I've lost my business,
my house and I'm going to lose my car as well". Lotto night comes and the Sardarji still has no luck!!
Back to the temple... "My Bhagwan, why have you forsaken me?? I've lost my business, my
house, my car and my wife and children are starving. I don't often ask you for help and I have always been a good servant to you.
Why won't you just let me win the lotto this one time so I can get my life back in order???".
Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the sky parts open and the Sardarhi is confronted by the voice of the God:
"SARDARJI, MEET ME HALF WAY ON THIS ONE, BUY A DAMN TICKET".

The maharajah of an Indian Province issued a royal decree. He ordered that no
one was to kill any wild animals while he was the country's leader. The decree
was honored until there were so many Bengal Tigers running loose that the people
revolted and threw the maharajah from power. This is the first known instance of
the reign being called on account of the game.

Everybody knows that 365 is the number of days in a year,
Stephen Hawking's I.Q. and Gary Sober's highest score in Tests. But there's more
to 365 than these pieces of statistical value, as you will find when you read
that
365 IS ALSO THE . . .

Number of times that P.V.
Narasimha Rao has bothered to smile in his
entire life.
Number of ideas in Shekhar Suman's 'Movers
and Shakers' that are directly ripped-off
from Jay Leno's 'Tonight Show'.
Number of people in India who have not
seen Madhuri Dixit's navel.
Number of issues of "Indian
Express", in a year, that feature stories with
weird, sensational headlines like "Dog
Eats Car", "Girl jumps 11,463
feet" or "Aliens found in Domino's
Pizza carton".
Average monthly salary of an
employee at Asian Jokes Online.
Number of incredibly stupid
public statements made by Laloo Prasad Yadav every
month.
Total number of pointless,
green flyovers that Chennai will probably have by the year 2005.
Number of gaudy, overstated,
ugly accessories that Bappi Lahiri wears
every day.
Approximate number of Indian
dotcom companies which started up without even
an original idea, in the past ten seconds.

This article courtesy bosey.com. For more like this, please visit
www.bosey.com

10. Marrying a blond is a sin. Making love to a blond is a partial sin.


9.  Pre-marital sex is a sin. Marital sex is a partial sin.


8.  Taking dowry is a sin. Giving dowry is a partial sin.


7.  Bullying one's wife is a sin. Having to submit is a partial sin.


6.  Gambling is a sin. Playing cards is a partial sin.


5.  Drinking is a sin. Smoking is a partial sin.


4.  Eating beef is a sin. Eating pork is a partial sin.


3.  Hurting a cow is a sin. Hurting insects is a partial sin.


2.  Not phoning home is a sin. Running up a huge bill is a partial sin.


1.  Forgetting first language is a sin. Speaking with an accent is a
partial sin.