The First Law of EMS:
All emergency calls will wait until you begin to eat, without regard to the time.
Corollary 1: Fewer accidents would occur if EMS personnel would never eat.
Corollary 2: Always order food "to go".
The Law of Time:
1. There is absolutely no relationship between the time at which you are supposed to get off shift and the time at which you will get off shift.
2. Given the following equation: T + 1 Minute = Relief Time, "T" will always be the time of the last call of your shift. E.g., If you are supposed to get off shift at 08:00, your last run will come in at 07:59. (Or if you have early relief coming in you will see you relief sitting at the first stop light from the station, waving!)
The Law of Gravity:
Any instrument, when dropped, will always come to rest in the least accessible place possible.
The Law of Time Versus Distance:
The distance of the call from the Hospital increases as the time to shift change decreases.
Corollary 1: The shortest distance between the station and the scene is under construction.
The Rule of Random Syncronicity:
Emergency calls will randomly come in all at once.

The Law of Respiratory Arrest:
All patients who are vomiting and must be intubated will have just completed a large meal of Barbecue and Onions, Garlic Pizza, and Pickled Herring, all of which was washed down with at least three cans of Beer.
The Basic Principle for Dispatchers:
Assume that all field personnel are idiots until their actions prove your assumption.
The Basic Principle for Field Personnel:
Assume that all dispatchers are idiots until their actions prove your assumption.
The Axiom of Late Night Runs:
If you respond to any Motor Vehicle Accident call after Midnight and do not find a drunk on the scene, keep looking: somebody is still missing.
The Law of Options:
Any patient, when given the option of either going to Jail or going to the Hospital by a Police Officer, will always be inside the Ambulance before you are.
Corollary 1: Any patient who chooses to go to Jail instead of the Hospital has probably been in my rig in the past.
The First Rule of Equipment:
Any piece of Life-saving Equipment will never malfunction or fail until: a)You need it to save a life, or b)The salesman leaves.
The Other Rules of Equipment:

Interchangeable parts don't
Leak proof seals will
Self-starters won't.

The First Law of Ambulance Operation:
No matter how fast you drive the Ambulance when responding to a call, it will never be fast enough, until you pass a Police Cruiser, at which point it will be entirely too fast. Unless you are responding to an"Officer Down" call then it is physically impossible to be travelling fast enough!
EMS Bathroom Rules:


If a call is received between 0500 and 0700, the location of the call will always be in a Bathroom.
If you have just gone to the Bathroom, no call will be received.
If you have not just gone to the Bathroom, you will soon regret it.
The probability of receiving a run increases proportionally to the time elapsed since last going to the Bathroom.

General Principles Concerning Dispatchers:
Given the opportunity, any Dispatcher will be only too happy to tell you where to go, regardless of whether or not (s)he actually knows where that may be.
Corollary 1: The existence or non-existence of any given location is of only minor importance to a Dispatcher
Corollary 2: Any street designated as a Cross-street" by a Dispatcher probably isn't.
Corollary 3: If a street name can be mispronounced, a Dispatcher will mispronounce it.
Corollary 4: If a street name cannot be mispronounced, a Dispatcher will mispronounce it anyway.
Corollary 5: A Dispatcher will always refer to a given location in the most obscure manner as possible. E.g., "Stumpy Brown's Cabbage Field" is now covered by a shopping center.
The Law of Triage:
In any accident, the degree of injury suffered by a patient is inversely proportional to the amount and volume of agonized screaming produced by that patient.
The Gross Injury Law:
Any injury, the sight of which makes you want to puke, should immediately be covered by 4x4's and Kerlix.
The Supervisor Equation:
Given the equation: X +Y = Q

Q = Quality of Care
X = the care that you render
Y = the assistance supplied by any Supervisor.


If you can eliminate Y from the equation, the Quality of Care will improve by X?.
Corollary 1: Generally, Field Supervisors have no business in the Field.
Corollary 2: The level of technical competence is inversely proportional to the level of management.
Corollary 3: Technology is dominated by those who manage what they do not understand.
The Law of Protocol Language:
The simplest Protocol Directive will be worded in the most obscure and complicated manner possible. Speeds, for example, will be expressed as "Furlongs per Fortnight" and flow rates as "Hogsheads per Hour".
Corollary 1: If you don't understand it, it must be intuitively obvious.
Corollary 2: If you can understand it, you probably don't.
The Law of EMS Educators:
Those who can't do, teach.
The Law of EMS Evaluators:
Those who can't do or teach, evaluate.
The Law of Light:
As the seriousness of any given injury increases, the availability of light to examine
that injury decreases.
The Law of Space:
The amount of space which is needed to work on a patient varies inversely with the amount
of space which is available to work on that patient.
EMS Relativity:
The number of distraught and uncooperative relatives surrounding any given patient varies exponentially with the seriousness of the patient's illness or injury.
The Theory of Weight:
The weight of the patient that you are about to transport increases exponentially by the
number of floors which must be ascended to reach the patient and the number of floors
which must be descended while carrying the patient.
Corollary 1: Very heavy patients tend to gravitate toward locations which are furthest from mean sea level.
Corollary 2: If the patient is heavy, the elevator is broken, and the lights in the stairwell are out.

The Laws of Non-Transport:

A Life-or-Death situation will immediately be created by driving away from the home of patient who has just thrown you out of their house.
The seriousness of this situation will increase as the date of your trial approaches.
By the time your ex-patient reaches the witness stand, the Jury will wonder how patient in such terrible condition could have possibly walked to the door and greeted you with a large suitcase in each hand.


The First Rule of Bystanders
Any bystander who offers you help will give you none.
The Second Rule of Bystanders:
Always assume that any Physician found at the scene of an emergency is a Gynecologist, until proven otherwise. (Unless the emergency is obstetrical in nature, then the bystander will be a Dermatologist.)
The Rule of Warning Devices
Any Ambulance, whether it is responding to a call or traveling to a Hospital, with Lights and Siren, will be totally ignored by all motorists, pedestrians, and dogs which may be found in or near the roads along its route.
Corollary 1: Ambulance Sirens can cause acute and total, but transient, deafness.
Corollary 2: Ambulance Lights can cause acute and total, but transient, blindness.
note: This Rule does not apply in California, where all pedestrians and motorists are apparently oblivious to any and all traffic laws.
The Law of Show and Tell
A virtually infinite number of wide-eyed and inquisitive school-aged children can climb into the back of any Ambulance, and, given the opportunity, invariably will.
Corollary 1: No emergency run will come in until they are all inside the Ambulance and playing with the equipment.
Corollary 2: It will take at least four times as long to get them all out as it took to get them in.
Corollary 3: A vital piece of equipment will be missing.
The Rule of Rookies
The true value of any Rookie, when expressed numerically, will always be a negative number.
The value of this number may be found by simply having the rookie grade his or her ability on a scale from 1 to 10.
Medical skill: 1 = Certified Health Hazard, 10 =Johnny and Roy.
Driving ability: 1 = Obstruction to Navigation, 10 = Mario Andretti.
The true value of the rookie is then found by simply negating the Rookie's self-assigned value.
Corollary 1: Treat any Rookie assigned to your Unit as you would a Bystander. (See The First Rule of Bystanders, above.)
Corollary 2: We were all rookies once upon a time....
The Law of Rules:
As soon as an EMS Rule is accepted as absolute, an exception to that Rule will immediately occur.
PS - Murphy was an optimist!

A man goes to a psychiatrist, and tells him, "Doc, I think I have an
obsession with sex." The doctor agrees to examine him and begins by
showing him various drawings. First the doctor draws a square and
asks the man to identify it. The man immediately says, "OMIGOSH!!
Four people having sex!!!!".

Next the doctor draws a circle, at which the man gasps, and says,
"One man having sex."

Thirdly, the doctor draws a triangle, which, of course, the patient
identifies as, "two woman and one man having sex".

The doctor puts the drawings away and says to the patient, "Yes, I
do believe that you have an obsession with sex."

To which the man replies, "ME????? YOU'RE the one drawing all the
dirty pictures!"

Dr. Shapiro was a obstetrician/gynecologist for 25 years. One day,
he decided he just couldn't deliver one more baby.

He was just burned-out, so he decided to completely change professions
and enrolled in an auto mechanics course to become an auto mechanic.

After several months he took his final exam and was totally surprised
when he made a score of 200 on a test with a possible score of 100.
He thought he had better ask the instructor why such a score.

The instructor explained "Well, Dr. Shapiro, you correctly disassembled
the engine for 50 points, and you correctly reassembled the engine for
another 50 points and I gave you an extra 100 points for doing it all
through the muffler!"

by Richard Cutler

I don't know how long those women had to be married to think up the
original Old Wives' Tales but MY wife started coming up with them in
our honeymoon suite.

According to her it was bad luck for a bride to get undressed and ready
for bed in front of her husband. I'm still not sure of the connection
between misfortune and a locked bathroom door at the Motel 6. But I
wasn't allowed to see her in her gown before the wedding and she wasn't
about to let me see her get out of it, either, later on.

It didn't surprise me all that much. Having been raised under the
supervision of a mother and two grandmothers I learned quickly that much
of the wisdom women impart is based on some strange concatenation of
superstition, folklore and myth ... all of it in the public domain and
freely circulated and adapted to apply to almost any situation. Even
when it's logic-free or contradictory.

Like how when we were little and couldn't go in swimming until an hour
after lunch but were popped in the tub right after supper.

Or my mother's favorite: Feed a cold and starve a fever, which my wife
thinks is the other way around. Yet either way will cure a cold in six or
seven days -- and with my wife's plan you also get to lose weight.

Actually, one of my sore spots is her belief about colds. My contention
is that if you get a chill, sit in a draft or go out and get wet in the
rain or snow you catch cold. I base this on what my mother said every time
she bundled me up to the point where normal vision and locomotion were
inhibited and then sent me off to school or out to play.

That, plus the fact that every time I've tested the notion since then on
my own I have gotten sick. Besides, that's obviously why they are called
colds in the first place.

My wife says that's a lot of hogwash. (Yes, coming from New Jersey she
sometimes talks like that.) She will concede that just maybe such conditions
lower one's resistance and allow the odd germ or virus to get in and do its
dirty work but cold air and chills are not the cause.

She also has feelings about water. For a cold she will alter the word to
"fluids" but otherwise she is specific: An apple a day is important, but the
true doctor deterrent (and prescribed treatment for anything from general
malaise to hangnail) is water. Eight glasses a day. Every day. Summer or
winter and all points in between.

I am lucky to get three down the hatch, max. Even if I mowed the lawn in
100 degree heat I couldn't gag down eight glasses. Beer, maybe ... or Coke,
but that's not good enough for her. She says this and coffee and iced tea
don't count. Maybe I could get down a couple of more with a dollop of Scotch
(for coloring) but I am told that somehow negates the effect.

My feeling is that eight glasses of water, plus the occasional juice and
milk will (even with first-rate plumbing) make sloshing noises when you walk.
I say that if we were meant to consume that much water our earliest ancestors
would never have been allowed to crawl up onto dry land.

And I don't care if coffee DOES dehydrate me. I can't face the day without it.
Lots of it. Water just won't cut it.

My wife is full of stuff like this.

She says that everything she tells me can be found in medical literature going
way back.

Maybe so. But I don't recall seeing anything about it in the Hippocratic Oath,
which is probably unconstitutional by now ... at least the parts about healing
the sick whether they have insurance or not -- and house calls. (Okay, so
maybe I didn't read it all that carefully.)

But we just naturally go round and round about doctors, anyway. To hear us
then you'd think we were on that late night talk show "Politically Incoherent"
the way she just keeps talking all during my remarks for fear I'll sneak a
point in edgewise.

Personally, I think the medical profession lost something when it split off
from the barbering trade, and whereas I have to be dragged kicking and
screaming to a physician (even since BEFORE my sigmoidoscopy), I willingly
visit the lady who cuts my hair. And not just because she holds my head
steady with her cleavage and I tip her generously when she's done.

My wife also insists that a house should be kept about five degrees below
comfortable. Early in our marriage I was given the responsibility for coming
up with the money to pay the mortgage and any other bills necessary to
maintaining a normal home. And she got to be in charge of the thermostat.

So far she hasn't come up with an adage regulating the TV set. But just in
case, I'm holding on to the remote.

--by David Lubar

Q. What does HMO stand for?
A. This is actually a variation of the phrase, "Hey, Moe!" Its roots
go back to a concept pioneered by Doctor Moe Howard, who discovered
that a patient could be made to forget about the pain in his foot if
he was poked hard enough in the eyes. Modern practice replaces the
physical finger poke with hi-tech equivalents such as voice-mail and
referral slips, but the result remains the same.

Q. Do all diagnostic procedures require pre-certification?
A. No. Only those you need.

Q. I just joined a new HMO. How difficult will it be to choose the
doctor I want?
A. Just slightly more difficult than choosing your parents. Your
insurer will provide you with a book listing all the doctors who
were participating in the plan at the time the information was
gathered. These doctors basically fall into two categories -- those
who are no longer accepting new patients, and those who will see you
but are no longer part of the plan. But don't worry -- the remaining
doctor who is still in the plan and accepting new patients has an
office just a half day's drive away!

Q. What are pre-existing conditions?
A. This is a phrase used by the grammatically challenged when they want
to talk about existing conditions. Unfortunately, we appear to be
pre-stuck with it.

Q. Well, can I get coverage for my pre-existing conditions?
A. Certainly, as long as they don't require any treatment.

Q. What happens if I want to try alternative forms of medicine?
A. You'll need to find alternative forms of payment.

Q. My pharmacy plan only covers generic drugs, but I need the name
brand. I tried the generic medication, but it gave me stomach ache.
What should I do?
A. Poke yourself in the eye.

Q. What should I do if I get sick while traveling?
A. Try sitting in a different part of the bus.

Q. No, I mean what if I'm away from home and I get sick?
A. You really shouldn't do that. You'll have a hard time seeing your
primary care physician. It's best to wait until you return, and then
get sick.

Q. I think I need to see a specialist, but my doctor insists he can
handle my problem. Can a general practitioner really perform a heart
transplant right in his office?
A. Hard to say, but considering that all you're risking is the $10
co-payment, there's no harm giving him a shot at it.

Q. What accounts for the largest portion of health care costs?
A. Doctors trying to recoup their investment losses.

Q. Will health care be any different in the next century?
A. No, but if you call right now, you might get an appointment by then.

1. Do Not Expect Your Doctor To Share Your Discomfort.
Involvement with the patient's suffering might cause him
to lose valuable scientific objectivity

2. Be Cheerful At All Times.
Your doctor leads a busy and trying life and requires
all the gentleness and reassurance he can get.

3. Try To Suffer From The Disease For Which you are Treated
Remember that your doctor has a professional reputation to
uphold.

4. Do Not Complain If The Treatment fails To Bring Relief.
You must believe that your doctor has achieved a deep insight
into the true nature of your illness, Which transcends any mere
permanent disability you may experience.

5. Never Ask Your Doctor To Explain What He Is Doing Or Why
He Is Doing It.
It is presumptuous to assume that profound matters could
be explained in terms that you would understand.

6. Submit To Novel Experimental Treatment Readily.
Though the surgery may not benefit you directly, the
resulting research paper will surely be of widespread interest.

7. Pay Your Medical Bills Promptly And Willingly
You should consider it a privilege to contribute, however
modestly, to the well being of physicians and other humanitarians.

8. Do Not Suffer Ailments That You Cannot Afford.
It is sheer arrogance to contract illnesses that are beyond your
means.

9. Never Reveal Any Of The Shortcomings That Have Come to Light In the
Course Of Treatment By Your Doctor.
The patient-doctor relationship is a privileged one, and you
have a sacred duty to protect him from exposure.

10. Never Die While In Your Doctor's Presence Or Under His Direct Care.
This will only cause him needless inconvenience and
embarrassment.

Two psychiatrists were at a convention. As they conversed over
a drink, one asked, "What was your most difficult case?"

The other replied, "I had a patient who lived in a pure fantasy
world. He believed that an uncle in South America was going to
die and leave him a fortune. All day long he waited for a letter
to arrive from an attorney. He never went out, he never did
anything, he merely sat around and waited for this fantasy letter
from this fantasy uncle. I worked with this man eight years."

"What was the result?"

"It was an eight-year struggle. Every day for eight years, but
I finally cured him. And then that stupid letter arrived!"

From the Metropolitan Diary section of THE NEW YORK TIMES 10/5/98


It was a reception marking the end of hte academic year for graduating
psychiatry residents. A man whose wife was one of the graduates was left
on his own for a short time. The man, who wishes to remain anonymous, was
surrounded by what he called a sophisticated group of well-known
professors, residents, spouses andother members of the psychaitric
community. He was amused and impressed at the exchange he overheard
between two of the professors:

Prof #1: "I want to apologize to you."

Prof #2: "Oh really? For what?"

Prof #1: "Well, over the past six months or so, I fell that I've been rather
short with you. I haven't been supportive of your work and I don't think
that I've treated you with the respect that you deserve. But I just wanted
you to know that this has nothing to do with you. I've been having some
personal problems and I never meant to bring these problems to work."

Prof #2: "Oh no, no, no. Don't be silly. It's an honor to be the object
of your transference."

Psychiatrist to patient: "We've made great strides in your case Mr.
Blumberg. Originally it was thought that phobias such as this were a
result of a chemical imbalance in the brain. Now we've progressed to
the point where we don't know what causes it."

Ablutophobia- Fear of washing or bathing.
Acarophobia- Fear of itching or of the insects that cause itching.
Acerophobia- Fear of sourness.
Achluophobia- Fear of darkness.
Acousticophobia- Fear of noise.
Acrophobia- Fear of heights.
Aerophobia- Fear of drafts, air swallowing, or airbourne noxious substances.
Aeroacrophobia- Fear of open high places.
Aeronausiphobia- Fear of vomiting secondary to airsickness.
Agliophobia- Fear of pain.
Agoraphobia- Fear of open spaces or of being in crowded, public places like markets.
Agraphobia- Fear of sexual abuse.
Agrizoophobia- Fear of wild animals.
Agyrophobia- Fear of streets or crossing the street.
Aichmophobia- Fear of needles or pointed objects.
Ailurophobia- Fear of cats.
Albuminurophobia- Fear of kidney disease.
Alektorophobia- Fear of chickens.
Algophobia- Fear of pain.
Alliumphobia- Fear of garlic.
Allodoxaphobia- Fear of opinions.
Altophobia- Fear of heights.
Amathophobia- Fear of dust.
Amaxophobia- Fear of riding in a car.
Ambulophobia- Fear of walking.
Amnesiphobia- Fear of amnesia.
Amychophobia- Fear of scratches or being scratched.
Anablepobia- Fear of looking up.
Ancraophobia or Anemophobia- Fear of wind.
Androphobia- Fear of men.
Anemophobia- Fear of air drafts or wind.
Anginophobia- Fear of angina, choking or narrowness.
Anglophobia- Fear of England, English culture, etc.
Angrophobia - Fear of becoming angry.
Ankylophobia- Fear of immobility of a joint.
Anthrophobia or Anthophobia- Fear of flowers.
Anthropophobia- Fear of people or society.
Antlophobia- Fear of floods.
Anuptaphobia- Fear of staying single.
Apeirophobia- Fear of infinity.
Aphenphosmphobia- Fear of being touched. (Haphephobia)
Apiphobia- Fear of bees.
Apotemnophobia- Fear of persons with amputations.
Arachibutyrophobia- Fear of peanut butter sticking to the roof of the mouth.
Arachnephobia or Arachnophobia- Fear of spiders.
Arithmophobia- Fear of numbers.
Arrhenphobia- Fear of men.
Arsonphobia- Fear of fire.
Asthenophobia- Fear of fainting or weakness.
Astraphobia or Astrapophobia- Fear of thunder and lightning.
Astrophobia- Fear of stars and celestial space.
Asymmetriphobia- Fear of asymmetrical things.
Ataxiophobia- Fear of ataxia (muscular incoordination)
Ataxophobia- Fear of disorder or untidiness.
Atelophobia- Fear of imperfection.
Atephobia- Fear of ruins.
Athazagoraphobia- Fear of being forgotton or ignored or forgetting.
Atomosophobia - Fear of atomic explosions.
Atychiphobia- Fear of failure.
Aulophobia- Fear of flutes.
Aurophobia- Fear of gold.
Auroraphobia- Fear of Northern lights.
Autodysomophobia- Fear of one that has a vile odor.
Automatonophobia- Fear of ventriloquist's dummies, animatronic creatures,
wax statues - anything that falsly represents a sentient being.
Automysophobia- Fear of being dirty.
Autophobia- Fear of being alone or of oneself.
Aviophobia or Aviatophobia- Fear of flying.

Bacillophobia- Fear of microbes.
Bacteriophobia- Fear of bacteria.
Ballistophobia- Fear of missles or bullets.
Bolshephobia- Fear of Bolsheviks.
Barophobia- Fear of gravity.
Basophobia or Basiphobia- Inability to stand. Fear of walking or falling.
Bathophobia- Fear of depth.
Batonophobia- Fear of plants.
Batophobia- Fear of heights or being close to high buildings.
Batrachophobia- Fear of amphibians, such as frogs, newts, salamanders, etc.
Belonephobia- Fear of pins and needles. (Aichmophobia)
Bibliophobia- Fear of books.
Blennophobia- Fear of slime.
Bogyphobia- Fear of bogies or the bogeyman.
Bromidrosiphobia or Bromidrophobia- Fear of body smells.
Brontophobia- Fear of thunder and lightning.
Bufonophobia- Fear of toads.

Cacophobia- Fear of ugliness.
Cainophobia or Cainotophobia- Fear of newness, novelty.
Caligynephobia- Fear of beautiful women.
Cancerophobia- Fear of cancer.
Carcinophobia- Fear of cancer.
Cardiophobia- Fear of the heart.
Carnophobia- Fear of meat.
Catagelophobia- Fear of being ridiculed.
Catapedaphobia- Fear of jumping from high and low places.
Cathisophobia- Fear of sitting.
Catoptrophobia- Fear of mirrors.
Cenophobia or Centophobia- Fear of new things or ideas.
Ceraunophobia- Fear of thunder.
Chaetophobia- Fear of hair.
Cheimaphobia or Cheimatophobia- Fear of cold.
Chemophobia- Fear of chemicals or working with chemicals.
Cherophobia- Fear of gaiety.
Chionophobia- Fear of snow.
Chiraptophobia- Fear of being touched.
Cholerophobia- Fear of anger or the fear of cholera.
Chorophobia- Fear of dancing.
Chrometophobia or Chrematophobia- Fear of money.
Chromophobia or Chromatophobia- Fear of colors.
Chronophobia- Fear of time.
Chronomentrophobia- Fear of clocks.
Cibophobia or Sitophobia or Sitiophobia- Fear of food.
Claustrophobia- Fear of confined spaces.
Cleithrophobia or Cleisiophobia- Fear of being locked in an enclosed place.
Cleptophobia- Fear of stealing.
Climacophobia- Fear of stairs, climbing or of falling downstairs.
Clinophobia- Fear of going to bed.
Clithrophobia or Cleithrophobia- Fear of being enclosed.
Cnidophobia- Fear of strings.
Cometophobia- Fear of comets.
Coimetrophobia- Fear of cemeteries.
Coitophobia- Fear of coitus.
Contreltophobia- Fear of sexual abuse.
Coprastasophobia- Fear of constipation.
Coprophobia- Fear of feces.
Coulrophobia- Fear of clowns.
Counterphobia- The preference by a phobic for fearful situations.
Cremnophobia- Fear of precipices.
Cryophobia- Fear of extreme cold, ice or frost.
Crystallophobia- Fear of crystals or glass.
Cyberphobia- Fear of computers or working on a computer.
Cyclophobia- Fear of bicycles.
Cymophobia- Fear of waves or wave like motions.
Cynophobia- Fear of dogs or rabies.
Cypridophobia, Cypriphobia, Cyprianophobia, or Cyprinophobia - Fear of prostitutes or venereal disease.

Decidophobia- Fear of making decisions.
Defecaloesiophobia- Fear of painful bowels movements.
Deipnophobia- Fear of dining and dinner conversations.
Dementophobia- Fear of insanity.
Demonophobia or Daemonophobia- Fear of demons.
Demophobia- Fear of crowds. (Agoraphobia)
Dendrophobia- Fear of trees.
Dentophobia- Fear of dentists.
Dermatophobia- Fear of skin lesions.
Dermatosiophobia or Dermatophobia or Dermatopathophobia- Fear of skin disease.
Dextrophobia- Fear of objects at the right side of the body.
Diabetophobia- Fear of diabetes.
Didaskaleinophobia- Fear of going to school.
Dikephobia- Fear of justice.
Dinophobia- Fear of dizziness or whirlpools.
Diplophobia- Fear of double vision.
Dipsophobia- Fear of drinking.
Dishabiliophobia- Fear of undressing in front of someone.
Domatophobia or Oikophobia- Fear of houses or being in a house.
Doraphobia- Fear of fur or skins of animals.
Dromophobia- Fear of crossing streets.
Dutchphobia- Fear of the Dutch.
Dysmorphophobia- Fear of deformity.
Dystychiphobia- Fear of accidents.

Ecclesiophobia- Fear of church.
Ecophobia- Fear of home.
Eicophobia or Oikophobia- Fear of home surroundings.
Eisoptrophobia- Fear of mirrors or of seeing oneself in a mirror.
Electrophobia- Fear of electricity.
Eleutherophobia- Fear of freedom.
Elurophobia- Fear of cats. (Ailurophobia)
Emetophobia- Fear of vomiting.
Enetophobia- Fear of pins.
Enochlophobia- Fear of crowds.
Enosiophobia or Enissophobia- Fear of having committed an unpardonable sin or of criticism.
Entomophobia- Fear of insects.
Eosophobia- Fear of dawn or daylight.
Epistaxiophobia- Fear of nosebleeds.
Epistemophobia- Fear of knowledge.
Equinophobia- Fear of horses.
Eremophobia- Fear of being oneself or of lonliness.
Ereuthrophobia- Fear of blushing.
Ergasiophobia- 1) Fear of work or functioning. 2) Surgeon's fear of operating.
Ergophobia- Fear of work.
Erotophobia- Fear of sexual love or sexual questions.
Euphobia- Fear of hearing good news.
Eurotophobia- Fear of female genitalia.
Erythrophobia, Erytophobia or Ereuthophobia- 1) Fear of redlights. 2) Blushing. 3) Red.

Febriphobia, Fibriphobia or Fibriophobia- Fear of fever.
Felinophobia- Fear of cats. (Ailurophobia, Elurophobia, Galeophobia, Gatophobia)
Francophobia- Fear of France, French culture. (Gallophobia, Galiophobia)
Frigophobia- Fear of cold, cold things.

Galeophobia or Gatophobia- Fear of cats.
Gallophobia or Galiophobia- Fear France, French culture. (Francophobia)
Gamophobia- Fear of marriage.
Geliophobia- Fear of laughter.
Geniophobia- Fear of chins.
Genophobia- Fear of sex.
Genuphobia- Fear of knees.
Gephyrophobia, Gephydrophobia, or Gephysrophobia- Fear of crossing bridges.
Germanophobia- Fear of Germany, German culture, etc.
Gerascophobia- Fear of growing old.
Gerontophobia- Fear of old people or of growing old.
Geumaphobia or Geumophobia- Fear of taste.
Glossophobia- Fear of speaking in public or of trying to speak.
Gnosiophobia- Fear of knowledge.
Graphophobia- Fear of writing or handwriting.
Gymnophobia- Fear of nudity.
Gynephobia or Gynophobia- Fear of women.

Hadephobia- Fear of hell.
Hagiophobia- Fear of saints or holy things.
Hamartophobia- Fear of sinning.
Haphephobia or Haptephobia- Fear of being touched.
Harpaxophobia- Fear of being robbed.
Hedonophobia- Fear of feeling pleasure.
Heliophobia- Fear of the sun.
Hellenologophobia- Fear of Greek terms or complex scientific terminology.
Helminthophobia- Fear of being infested with worms.
Hemophobia or Hemaphobia or Hematophobia- Fear of blood.
Heresyphobia or Hereiophobia- Fear of challenges to official doctrine or of radical deviation.
Herpetophobia- Fear of reptiles or creepy, crawly things.
Heterophobia- Fear of the opposite sex. (Sexophobia)
Hierophobia- Fear of priests or sacred things.
Hippophobia- Fear of horses.
Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia- Fear of long words.
Hobophobia- Fear of bums or beggars.
Hodophobia- Fear of road travel.
Hormephobia- Fear of shock.
Homichlophobia- Fear of fog.
Homilophobia- Fear of sermons.
Hominophobia- Fear of men.
Homophobia- Fear of sameness, monotony or of homosexuality or of becoming homosexual.
Hoplophobia- Fear of firearms.
Hydrargyophobia- Fear of mercurial medicines.
Hydrophobia- Fear of water or of rabies.
Hydrophobophobia- Fear of rabies.
Hyelophobia or Hyalophobia- Fear of glass.
Hygrophobia- Fear of liquids, dampness, or moisture.
Hylephobia- Fear of materialism OR the fear of epilepsy.
Hylophobia- Fear of forests.
Hypengyophobia or Hypegiaphobia- Fear of responsibility.
Hypnophobia- Fear of sleep or of being hypnotized.
Hypsiphobia- Fear of height.

Iatrophobia- Fear of going to the doctor or of doctors.
Ichthyophobia- Fear of fish.
Ideophobia- Fear of ideas.
Illyngophobia- Fear of veritgo or feeling dizzy when looking down.
Iophobia- Fear of poison.
Insectophobia - Fear of insects.
Isolophobia- Fear of solitude, being alone.
Isopterophobia- Fear of termites, insects that eat wood.
Ithyphallophobia- Fear of seeing, thinking about or having an erect penis.

Japanophobia- Fear of Japanese.
Judeophobia- Fear of Jews.

Kainolophobia- Fear of novelty.
Kainophobia- Fear of anything new, novelty.
Kakorrhaphiophobia- Fear of failure or defeat.
Katagelophobia- Fear of ridicule.
Kathisophobia- Fear of sitting down.
Kenophobia- Fear of voids or empty spaces.
Keraunophobia- Fear of thunder and lightning.
Kinetophobia or Kinesophobia- Fear of movement or motion.
Kleptophobia- Fear of stealing.
Koinoniphobia- Fear of rooms.
Kolpophobia- Fear of genitals, particularly female.
Kopophobia- Fear of fatigue.
Koniophobia- Fear of dust. (Amathophobia)
Kosmikophobia- Fear of cosmic phenomenon.
Kymophobia- Fear of waves.
Kynophobia- Fear of rabies.
Kyphophobia- Fear of stooping.

Lachanophobia- Fear of vegetables.
Laliophobia or Lalophobia- Fear of speaking.
Leprophobia or Lepraphobia- Fear of leprosy.
Leukophobia- Fear of the color white.
Levophobia- Fear of things to the left side of the body.
Ligyrophobia- Fear of loud noises.
Lilapsophobia- Fear of tornadoes and hurricanes.
Limnophobia- Fear of lakes.
Linonophobia- Fear of string.
Liticaphobia- Fear of lawsuits.
Lockiophobia- Fear of childbirth.
Logizomechanophobia- Fear of computers.
Logophobia- Fear of words.
Luiphobia- Fear of lues, syphillis.
Lutraphobia- Fear of otters.
Lygophobia- Fear of darkness.
Lyssophobia- Fear of rabies or of becoming mad.

Macrophobia- Fear of long waits.
Mageirocophobia- Fear of cooking.
Maieusiophobia- Fear of childbirth.
Malaxophobia- Fear of love play. (Sarmassophobia)
Maniaphobia- Fear of insanity.
Mastigophobia- Fear of punishment.
Mechanophobia- Fear of machines.
Medomalacuphobia- Fear of losing an erection.
Medorthophobia- Fear of an erect penis.
Megalophobia- Fear of large things.
Melissophobia- Fear of bees.
Melanophobia- Fear of the color black.
Melophobia- Fear or hatred of music.
Meningitophobia- Fear of brain disease.
Menophobia- Fear of menstruation.
Merinthophobia- Fear of being bound or tied up.
Metallophobia- Fear of metal.
Metathesiophobia- Fear of changes.
Meteorophobia- Fear of meteors.
Methyphobia- Fear of alcohol.
Metrophobia- Fear or hatred of poetry.
Microbiophobia- Fear of microbes. (Bacillophobia)
Microphobia- Fear of small things.
Misophobia- Fear of being contaminated with dirt of germs.
Mnemophobia- Fear of memories.
Molysmophobia or Molysomophobia- Fear of dirt or contamination.
Monophobia- Fear of solitude or being alone.
Monopathophobia- Fear of definite disease.
Motorphobia- Fear of automobiles.
Mottephobia- Fear of moths.
Musophobia or Murophobia- Fear of mice.
Mycophobia- Fear or aversion to mushrooms.
Mycrophobia- Fear of small things.
Myctophobia- Fear of darkness.
Myrmecophobia- Fear of ants.
Mysophobia- Fear of germs or contamination or dirt.
Mythophobia- Fear of myths or stories or false statements.
Myxophobia- Fear of slime. (Blennophobia)

Nebulaphobia- Fear of fog. (Homichlophobia)
Necrophobia- Fear of death or dead things.
Negrophobia- Fear of Negros.
Nelophobia- Fear of glass.
Neopharmaphobia- Fear of new drugs.
Neophobia- Fear of anything new.
Nephophobia- Fear of clouds.
Noctiphobia- Fear of the night.
Nomatophobia- Fear of names.
Nosocomephobia- Fear of hospitals.
Nosophobia or Nosemaphobia- Fear of becoming ill.
Nostophobia- Fear of returning home.
Novercaphobia- Fear of your mother-in-law.
Nucleomituphobia- Fear of nuclear weapons.
Nudophobia- Fear of nudity.
Numerophobia- Fear of numbers.
Nyctohylophobia- Fear of dark wooded areas, of forests at night
Nyctophobia- Fear of the dark or of night.

Obesophobia- Fear of gaining weight.(Pocrescophobia)
Ochlophobia- Fear of crowds or mobs.
Ochophobia- Fear of vehicles.
Octophobia - Fear of the figure 8.
Odontophobia- Fear of teeth or dental surgery.
Odynophobia or Odynephobia- Fear of pain. (Algophobia)
Oenophobia- Fear of wines.
Oikophobia- Fear of home surroundings, house.
Olfactophobia- Fear of smells.
Ombrophobia- Fear of rain or of being rained on.
Ommetaphobia or Ommatophobia- Fear of eyes.
Oneirophobia- Fear of dreams.
Oneirogmophobia- Fear of wet dreams.
Onomatophobia- Fear of hearing a certain word or of names.
Ophidiophobia- Fear of snakes. (Snakephobia)
Ophthalmophobia- Fear of being stared at.
Optophobia- Fear of opening one's eyes.
Ornithophobia- Fear of birds.
Orthophobia- Fear of property.
Osmophobia or Osphresiophobia- Fear of smells or odors.
Ostraconophobia- Fear of shellfish.
Ouranophobia- Fear of heaven.

Pagophobia- Fear of ice or frost.
Panthophobia- Fear of suffering and disease.
Panophobia or Pantophobia- Fear of everything.
Papaphobia- Fear of the Pope.
Papyrophobia- Fear of paper.
Paralipophobia- Fear of neglecting duty or responsibility.
Paraphobia- Fear of sexual perversion.
Parasitophobia- Fear of parasites.
Paraskavedekatriaphobia: Fear of Friday the 13th.
Parthenophobia- Fear of virgins or young girls.
Pathophobia- Fear of disease.
Patroiophobia- Fear of heredity.
Parturiphobia- Fear of childbirth.
Peccatophobia- Fear of sinning. (imaginary crime)
Pediculophobia- Fear of lice.
Pediophobia- Fear of dolls.
Pedophobia- Fear of children.
Peladophobia- Fear of bald people.
Pellagrophobia- Fear of pellagra.
Peniaphobia- Fear of poverty.
Pentheraphobia- Fear of mother-in-law. (Novercaphobia)
Peniaphobia- Fear of poverty.
Phagophobia- Fear of swallowing or of eating or of being eaten.
Phalacrophobia- Fear of becoming bald.
Phallophobia- Fear of a penis, esp erect.
Pharmacophobia- Fear of taking medicine.
Phasmophobia- Fear of ghosts.
Phengophobia- Fear of daylight or sunshine.
Philemaphobia or Philematophobia- Fear of kissing.
Philophobia- Fear of falling in love or being in love.
Philosophobia- Fear of philosophy.
Phobophobia- Fear of phobias.
Photoaugliaphobia- Fear of glaring lights.
Photophobia- Fear of light.
Phonophobia- Fear of noises or voices or one's own voice; of telephones.
Phronemophobia- Fear of thinking.
Phthiriophobia- Fear of lice. (Pediculophobia)
Phthisiophobia- Fear of tuberculosis.
Placophobia- Fear of tombstones.
Plutophobia- Fear of wealth.
Pluviophobia- Fear of rain or of being rained on.
Pneumatiphobia- Fear of spirits.
Pnigophobia or Pnigerophobia- Fear of choking of being smothered.
Pocrescophobia- Fear of gaining weight. (Obesophobia)
Pogonophobia- Fear of beards.
Poliosophobia- Fear of contracting poliomyelitis.
Politicophobia- Fear or abnormal dislike of politicians.
Polyphobia- Fear of many things.
Poinephobia- Fear of punishment.
Ponophobia- Fear of overworking or of pain.
Potamophobia- Fear of rivers or running water.
Potophobia- Fear of alcohol.
Pharmacophobia- Fear of drugs.
Proctophobia- Fear of rectum.
Prosophobia- Fear of progress.
Psellismophobia- Fear of stuttering.
Psychophobia- Fear of mind.
Psychrophobia- Fear of cold.
Pteromerhanophobia- Fear of flying.
Pteronophobia- Fear of being tickled by feathers.
Pupaphobia - fear of puppets Pyrexiophobia- Fear of Fever.
Pyrophobia- Fear of fire.

Radiophobia- Fear of radiation, x-rays.
Ranidaphobia- Fear of frogs.
Rectophobia- Fear of rectum or rectal diseases.
Rhabdophobia- Fear of being severely punished or beaten by a rod, or of being severely criticized. Also fear of magic.(wand)
Rhypophobia- Fear of defecation.
Rhytiphobia- Fear of getting wrinkles.
Rupophobia- Fear of dirt.
Russophobia- Fear of Russians.

Sarmassophobia- Fear of love play. (Malaxophobia)
Satanophobia- Fear of Satan.
Scabiophobia- Fear of scabies.
Scatophobia- Fear of fecal matter.
Scelerophibia- Fear of bad men, burglars.
Sciophobia Sciaphobia- Fear of shadows.
Scoleciphobia- Fear of worms.
Scolionophobia- Fear of school.
Scopophobia or Scoptophobia- Fear of being seen or stared at.
Scotomaphobia- Fear of blindness in visual field.
Scotophobia- Fear of darkness. (Achluophobia)
Scriptophobia- Fear of writing in public.
Selaphobia- Fear of light flashes.
Selenophobia- Fear of the moon.
Seplophobia- Fear of decaying matter.
Sesquipedalophobia- Fear of long words.
Sexophobia- Fear of the opposite sex. (Heterophobia)
Shamhainophobia: Fear of Halloween.
Siderodromophobia- Fear of trains, railroads or train travel.
Siderophobia- Fear of stars.
Sinistrophobia- Fear of things to the left, left-handed.
Sinophobia- Fear of Chinese, Chinese culture.
Sitophobia or Sitiophobia- Fear of food or eating. (Cibophobia)
Snakephobia- Fear of snakes. (Ophidiophobia)
Soceraphobia- Fear of parents-in-law.
Social Phobia- Fear of being evaluated negatively in social situations.
Sociophobia- Fear of society or people in general.
Somniphobia- Fear of sleep.
Sophophobia- Fear of learning.
Soteriophobia - Fear of dependence on others.
Spacephobia- Fear of outer space.
Spectrophobia- Fear of specters or ghosts.
Spermatophobia or Spermophobia- Fear of germs.
Spheksophobia- Fear of wasps.
Stasibasiphobia or Stasiphobia- Fear of standing or walking. (Ambulophobia)
Staurophobia- Fear of crosses or the crucifix.
Stenophobia- Fear of narrow things or places.
Stygiophobia or Stigiophobia- Fear of hell.
Suriphobia- Fear of mice.
Symbolophobia- Fear of symbolism.
Symmetrophobia- Fear of symmetry.
Syngenesophobia- Fear of relatives.
Syphilophobia- Fear of syphilis.

Tachophobia- Fear of speed.
Taeniophobia or Teniophobia- Fear of tapeworms.
Taphephobia Taphophobia- Fear of being buried alive or of cemeteries.
Tapinophobia- Fear of being contagious.
Taurophobia- Fear of bulls.
Technophobia- Fear of technology.
Teleophobia- 1) Fear of definate plans. 2) Religious ceremony.
Telephonophobia- Fear of telephones.
Teratophobia- Fear of bearing a deformed child or fear of monsters or deformed people.
Testophobia- Fear of taking tests.
Tetanophobia- Fear of lockjaw, tetanus.
Teutophobia- Fear of German or German things.
Textophobia- Fear of certain fabrics.
Thaasophobia- Fear of sitting.
Thalassophobia- Fear of the sea.
Thanatophobia or Thantophobia- Fear of death or dying.
Theatrophobia- Fear of theatres.
Theologicophobia- Fear of theology.
Theophobia- Fear of gods or religion.
Thermophobia- Fear of heat.
Tocophobia- Fear of pregnancy or childbirth.
Tomophobia- Fear of surgical operations.
Tonitrophobia- Fear of thunder.
Topophobia- Fear of certain places or situations, such as stage fright.
Toxiphobia or Toxophobia or Toxicophobia- Fear of poison or of being
accidently poisoned.
Traumatophobia- Fear of injury.
Tremophobia- Fear of trembling.
Trichinophobia- Fear of trichinosis.
Trichopathophobia or Trichophobia or Hypertrichophobia- Fear of hair. (Chaetophobia)
Triskadekaphobia- Fear of the number 13.
Tropophobia- Fear of moving or making changes.
Trypanophobia- Fear of injections.
Tuberculophobia- Fear of tuberculosis.
Tyrannophobia- Fear of tyrants.

Uranophobia- Fear of heaven.
Urophobia- Fear of urine or urinating.

Vaccinophobia- Fear of vaccination.
Venustraphobia- Fear of beautiful women.
Verbophobia- Fear of words.
Verminophobia- Fear of germs.
Vestiphobia- Fear of clothing.
Virginitiphobia- Fear of rape.
Vitricophobia- Fear of step-father.

Walloonphobia- Fear of the Walloons.
Wicaphobia: Fear of witches and witchcraft.

Xanthophobia- Fear of the color yellow or the word yellow.
Xenophobia- Fear of strangers or foreigners.
Xerophobia- Fear of dryness.
Xylophobia- 1) Fear of wooden objects. 2) Forests.

Zelophobia- Fear of jealousy.
Zemmiphobia- Fear of the great mole rat.
Zoophobia- Fear of animals.