On a flight from Saigon to Los Angeles, an American sat beside a Vietnamese. American asked Vietnamese,
"What kind of "ese" are you?"Excuse me?""What kind of "ese" are you?""Excuse me, I don't understand what you meant.""Stupid! Are you Vietnamese, Chinese or Japanese?""Oh! I am a Vietnamese."After 2 hours.
Vietnamese asked American: "What kind of "kee" are you? "What? What do you mean by key?""Are you monkey, donkey or Yankee."

"I can't believe my terrible fate," cried Cu Teo. When his friends
asked what was the matter, he replied "My daughter has gone off and married
that loser who doesn't know how to drink or gamble."
"Then what's the problem?" they asked. "You should be glad
that your son-in-law doesn't drink or gamble."
"Who said he doesn't drink or gamble? He does both. I said he doesn't
know how to do either one properly."

A soldier in Vietnam saw a local man coming down the road with his wife
behind him with a bicycle loaded with all their worldly possessions. The soldier
asked him why he carried nothing but a cigarette and his wife had to push the
bicycle alone. The man replied, "TRADITION".
Two weeks later he saw the same local man on the same road but this time she
was in front and he was pushing the loaded bicycle. The soldier asked him what
happened to TRADITION and the man said "LAND MINES"

This ethnic fellow Vietnamese buys a convertible one day from a local car
dealer. Later the same night, the car dealer receives a phone call."Excuse me, but do you happen to have an extra set of keys for my new car?
I   seem to have locked mine in.""Yeah, sure. Where are you?""Corner of Main and King.""Okay. I'll be over in about half an hour.""No, no! You have to come over right now!""Why?""'Cause I left the roof down and it's starting to rain!!"

A man was being interviewed for a job.
"Were you in the service?" asked the
interviewer.
"Yes, I was a Marine," responded the
applicant.
"Did you see any active duty?"
"I was in Vietnam for 2 years and I have a
partial disability."
"May I ask what happened?"
"Well, I had a grenade go off between my
legs and I lost both testicles."
"You're hired. You can start Monday at 10
am."
The somewhat surprised applicant asked,
"When does everyone else start? I don't want any preferential treatment
because of my disability."
"Everyone else starts at 7 o'clock, but I
should be honest with you," explained the interviewer. "Nothing gets
done before 10 o'clock because we just sit and scratch our balls trying to
decide what to do first."

This guy went into the bar Friday night and ordered three beers, in fact every
Friday night he went into the bar and ordered three beers and drank them all by
himself. Three beers...every Friday night. Not 2. Never 4. Always 3.
Well, the bartender couldn't  figure this out. Without fail this guy
came in.
The bartender finally said to the guy, "Every Friday night you come in
here and have three beers. There must be a story to this. You never order 2
beers, or 4 beers, always 3."
The guy said, "Yes there is a story. You see, me and my two buddies
always went out for a beer on Friday night when we were in Vietnam.
One night while we were drinking we decided that we could continue doing this
when we returned to the States. We also decided if one of us didn't make it the
other two would drink the third one's beer. And if two didn't make it, the third
guy would drink the other two beers. The other two didn't make it back so I'm
drinking theirs." The bartender felt bad.
Well, the next Friday night the guy came back into the bar as usual but only
ordered two beers. The bartender couldn't believe it.  Friday after Friday this
guy now ordered only two drinks. This went on for some time and the bartender was
so puzzled he just had to ask the guy about it.
The bartender said to him, "I notice you have only been ordering two
beers for the last few weeks. There has to be a story here."
The guy said, "Yes indeed there is a story. You see I joined the Mormon
church and I can't drink beer any more."

Tuan comes up to the border between Vietnam and China on his bicycle. He has
two large bags over his shoulders. The guard stops him and says, "What's in
the bags?"
"Rice," answered Tuan.
The guard says, "We'll just see about that. Get off the bike." The
guard takes the bags and rips them apart; he empties them out and finds nothing
in them but rice. He detains Tuan overnight and has the rice analyzed, only to
discover that there is nothing but pure rice in the bags The guard releases Tuan,
puts the sand into new bags, hefts them onto the man's shoulders, and lets him
cross the border.
A week later, the same thing happens. The guard asks, "What have you
got?"
"Rice," says Tuan.
The guard does his thorough examination and discovers that the bags contain
nothing but rice. He gives the sand back to Tuan, and Tuan crosses the border on
his bicycle.
This sequence of events if repeated every day for three years. Finally, Tuan
doesn't show up one day and the guard meets him in a noodles restaurant in
Vietnam.
"Hey, Buddy," says the guard, "I know you are smuggling
something. It's driving me crazy. It's all I think about..... I can't sleep.
Just between you and me, what are you smuggling?"
Tuan sips his beer and says, "Bicycles."

Back when Vietnam was still separated as North and South, the president of
South Vietnam then was President Thieun
As he was getting a lot of unfavorable treatment from his own country's news
agencies, he invited Tara Singh, a journalist from Malaysia, to brief him about
the setup of Bernama.
After Tara Singh had briefed the president about Bernama, the president was
impressed. He declared that it was time for him to set up his own Bernama, to
counter all the criticism he has been receiving lately.
Tara Singh politely said, "But Mr. President, the name 'Bernama' is
already used by Malaysia... maybe if you chose another name."
"Of course, you're right! I shall name it after myself then. It will be
known as Thieunama !! ", said the president. Tara Singh nearly choked on
that! " Ahh, Mr President, that may not be the best name. To the Cantonese
speaking people, that name is a four-letter word concerning mothers," said
Tara.
The president was touched by the journalist's sincerity, "Thank you for
being so honest with me. You deserve recognition for that. Why don't we give the
news agency a name formed from our names. How about ThieunaSingh ?"

The Vietnamese soldier serving in Cambodia, far from home, was annoyed and
upset when his girl wrote breaking off their engagement and asking for her
photograph back.
He went out and collected from his friends all the unwanted photographs of
women that he could find, bundled them all together and sent them back with a
note saying:
"Regret -- cannot remember which one is you. Please keep your photo and
return the others."

During the Vietnam War, a hillbilly soldier shot
about a dozen of the enemy during his first battle. 
The Sergeant said,
"How'd you learn to shoot like that ? Have you ever been in combat before?" 
"Well suh," drawled the boy, "To be honest, this is my
first public war."