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| 11) Al Gebra |
At Heathrow airport today an individual, later discovered to be a
public school teacher, was arrested trying to board a flight while in
possession of a compass, a protractor, and a graphing calculator. Authorities
believe he is a member of the notorious Al-gebra Movement. He is being
charged with carrying weapons of math instruction.
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New version:
: Terrorist apprehended
At New York's Kennedy airport today, an individual later discovered to
be a public school teacher was arrested trying to board a flight
while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a setsquare, a slide rule,
and a calculator.
At a morning press conference, Attorney general John Ashcroft said he
believes the man is a member of the notorious al-gebra movement. He is
being charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction.
"Al-gebra is a fearsome cult,", Ashcroft said. "They desire average
solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in a
search of absolute value. They use secret code names like "x" and "y"
and refer to themselves as "unknowns", but we have determined they
belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates
in every country.
"As the Greek philanderer Iso sceles used to say, there are 3 sides to
every triangle," Ashcroft declared.
When asked to comment on the arrest, President Bush said, "If God had
wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, He would have
given us more fingers and toes.
"I am gratified that our government has given us a sine that it is
intent on protracting us from these math-dogs who are willing to
disintegrate us with calculus disregard. Murky statisticians love to
inflict plane on every sphere of influence," the President said,
adding: "Under the circumferences, we must differentiate their root,
make our point, and draw the line."
President Bush warned, "These weapons of math instruction have the
potential to decimal everything in their math on a scalene never
before seen unless we become exponents of a Higher Power and begin to
factor-in random facts of vertex."
Attorney General Ashcroft said, "As our Great Leader would say, read my
ellipse. Here is one principle he is uncertainty of: though they
continue to multiply, their days are numbered as the hypotenuse
tightens around their necks."
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| 12) Plane Behind You |
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| 13) Best Use of Buct Tape |
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| 14) Bicycle Repairman |
Bush and Powell are sitting in a bar. A guy walks in and asks the
barman,"Isn't that Bush and Powell?"
The barman says "Yep, thats them."
So the guy walks over and says, "Hello, what are u guys doing?"
And Bush says, "We're planning world war 3"
And the guy says, "Really? What's going to happen?"
And Bush says, "Well, we're going to kill 140 million Afghans this time
and one bicycle repairman."
And the guy exclaimed, "A bicycle repairman?!!!"
So Bush turns to Powell and says, " See, I told you no-one would worry
about the 140 million Afghans!"
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| 15) Bin Laden Hideout |
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| 16) Bomb Iraq |
Everybody, sing along!
BOMB IRAQ
(to the tune of "If You're Happy and You Know It")
If we cannot find Osama, bomb Iraq
If the markets hurt your mama, bomb Iraq
If the terrorists are Saudi
And the bank takes back your Audi
And the TV shows are bawdy,
Bomb Iraq.
If the corporate scandals growin', bomb Iraq
and your ties to them are showin', bomb Iraq
If the smoking gun ain't smokin'
We don't care and we're not jokin'
That Saddam will soon be croakin',
Bomb Iraq
Even if we have no allies, bomb Iraq
From the sand dunes to the valleys, bomb Iraq.
So to hell with the inspections;
Let's look tough for the election,
Close your mind and take directions,
Bomb Iraq.
While the globe is slowly warming, bomb Iraq
While the globe is slowly warming, bomb Iraq
If the ozone hole is growing,
Some things we prefer not knowing
(Though our ignorance is showing),
Bomb Iraq
So here's one for dear old daddy, bomb Iraq
So here's one for dear old daddy, bomb Iraq
Saying no would look like treason,
It's the Hussein hunting season.
Even if we have no reason,
Bomb Iraq
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| 17) Brain Wash |
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| 18) System Error! |
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| 19) Bush Helps Global Warming |
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| 20) Bush's Mail Box |
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